With the upsets and close games from last week, the Pigskin pickin’ pooch and I are both scratchin’ our heads, but only one of us has fleas there.
Larry’s Losers in the SEC Week Two – 2013
By: Larry Burton
Well folks, one week is not a season and while most coaches would take a ten win season, me and my hairy little pal the pug are hanging our head with this 10-3 week of picks to start the season. We said the Clemson-Georgia and Ole Miss-Vandy games could go either way and they were both down to wire finishes as we knew they would be, but with one problem, they went the other way. The only real surprise was just how bad the Kentucky Mildcats are as they were soundly beaten at home by their poor cousins from down the road in Western Kentucky.
And this week isn’t a whole lot better with at least one contest that could go down to the wire and shape the race in the SEC as well. So with that being said and after sitting up and watching an awful lot of football, Bacardi the Wonder Dog and I are ready to bring our winning percentage back up to where two great prognosticators should be. So here’s this week’s list of likely loosers that landed on Larry’s Losers.
Starting in the West
Alabama continues their streak of undefeated weeks by taking this one off. It seems funny to need an off week after just one game, but that’s the luck of the draw.
Samford at Arkansas – Pat Sullivan brings his Birmingham Bulldogs over to the Big Pig Pen otherwise known as War Memorial Stadium only there won’t be much of a war this week. While the Hog fans will have reality hit them squarely in the snout soon enough, they’re going to love the way this season starts out due to scheduling so many weak sisters up front.
Though the Bulldogs are fresh from a 31-21 win last week, they’ll experience a welcome to the SEC kind of whomping here as these tusked pork roasts to be from Fayetteville gouge and gorge on these poor pooches.
Larry’s Loser – Samford
Arkansas State at Auburn – The Red Wolves from Arkansas State come down to the wire grass country to say hi to their old coach who left them high and dry after just one season. They’d love to give him a swift kick in the nether regions and thank him for bailing out on them before last year’s bowl game.
But in the end, the big bad Wolves won’t have it what it takes to blow the house down in Jordan-Haire and Auburn should end the game with as many wins in two weeks in this season as they had all last year.
Larry’s Loser – Arkansas State
UAB at LSU – In another David vs Goliath matchup, and bunch of bumbling Birmingham Blazers stumble into Tiger Stadium to be the sacrificial Dragons in this week’s match up.
Coaches from small programs in these kinds of games like to call these measuring stick games that let me see just where their team’s biggest needs are, but these fire breathing dragons and not going to be measured by a stick, but rather be beaten by it.
Larry’s Loser – UAB
South East Missouri at Ole Miss – These silly old Redhawks have charted a bad course as they flew South for the fall and landed in Oxford, Mississippi. Ole Miss proved last week that they are a team to be reckoned with and coach Hugh Freeze plans on giving these feather heads the cold shoulder when it comes to Southern hospitality.
If the Redhawks thought that a stupid team like Southeast Louisiana beating them silly was a tough fight, they ain’t seen nothing yet. These feather brains will be a plucked up by the end of this contest.
Larry’s Loser – South East Missouri
Alcorn State at Mississippi State – Last week, Alcorn State’s Braves beat up on a team I’d never heard of, Edward Waters. That or either they mugged a man by that name in a parking lot somewhere. And this week they hope to roll up a newspaper and pop the pooches that Dan Mullens has down in Starkville.
But this is finally a team that the bone headed Bulldogs may can bluff or bully and come out with a win and if Mullen’s intends to drag these Dogs into bowl season this year, this is one he’d better get done.
Larry’s Loser – Alcorn State
Sam Houston State at Texas A&M – The Bearkats, whatever the heck those are, beat up on a lowly Houston Baptist last week 74-0 and everybody but the head cheerleader either recorded a tackle or scored in that slaughter and they’re hoping to keep that offense flying as they stroll into College Station and hope to claw out a win.
But the only thing no one can say for certain in this game is not the outcome, but how many more ways and how many more times Johnny Foot-in-His-Mouth will embarrass himself and the program.
Larry’s Loser – Sam Houston State
And Now for the East
Florida at Miami – The battle for the Sunshine State part one takes place as Muschamp’s mud lizards meander on down to Miami and try and ride out a Hurricane and come out on top. Coach Golden Boy has his high wind warriors improving and hopes that home turf will help his Hurricanes blow past a gaggle of Gators that weren’t overly impressive last week in toppling tiny Toledo last week.
But even though they’re short, these Gators were just stretching their legs last week and this week the reptilian ones from Gainesville should finally show what they can do on a good day and they will with this outing.
Larry’s Loser – Miami
South Carolina at Georgia – Well folks, this here is the game of the day as the Old Ball Coach brings his Carolina Cluckers down between the hedges to give the Bulldogs their annual beat down. But this year, Mark Richt aims to stop the annual announcement of who’s really the beast of the East.
Without SEC West to redeem the Bulldogs by beating down the Gamecocks, the winner of this game may very well be the one to take on Alabama in Atlanta this year and try for a shot at a national title. This is one that could go either way, and despite the pigskin pickin’ pug’s proclivity to pick a pooch, we both feel that in the end, South Carolina clucks up any chance for Georgia to be in a contender this year.
Larry’s Loser – Georgia
Miami of Ohio at Kentucky – If there’s a worse team in the SEC than Kentucky, I haven’t seen them yet. So when the Wonder Dog and I see that Miami is coming to the Blue Grass State to stake out a win, we have to give it a hard look. Sure the Redhawks from Ohio were trampled by the Herd from Marshall last week in a 52-14 rout, but hey this is Kentsucky we’re talking about.
But in the end, this could be one of the few wins that these Mildcats find on this year’s schedule, maybe only one of two wins I see them getting this whole year. So if you’re a Kentsucky fan, whoop it up this weekend, because it’s one of the few times you will this season.
Larry’s Loser – Miami
Toledo at Missouri – Last week, the Tigers from Missouri clawed up a bunch of Racers with dead engines and this week they get some Rocket men who’s rockets were a dud against the Gators last week.
Gary Pinkel’s pussycats have shown some life so far this season and they’re not about to let these penny rockets shoot down their plans to make it to bowl season this year and this is one win they simply have to have with the tough ones to come on the schedule ahead. In the end, they’ll have something to celebrate as the only rockets that will fire in this game will be fireworks to celebrate a Missouri win.
Larry’s Loser – Toledo
Western Kentucky at Tennessee – It was great for the Vol fans to enter week two and still be undefeated after gashing the Governors from Austin Peay and this week they’ll have to take on a Hilltopper from Western Kentucky who maimed the Mildcats from Kentucky last week.
Now head coach Butch Jones ain’t about to let these hill climbers go 2-0 in the SEC by toppling Tennessee and he’ll have his musket men ready with lots of dry powder to send these these boys back to the Bluegrass State with lot of buckshot in the their butts, but it could be a very close one.
Larry’s Loser – Western Kentucky
Austin Peay at Vanderbilt – The Governors of Austin Peay got the pee stomped out of them last week when they took on Tennessee and now they’ve made the poor decision to contest the Commodores over in Song City.
Now head coach James Franklin and his conquering Commodores are madder than a sinking sailor over the outcome a back and forth loss to Ole Miss last week and they aren’t about to let these pitiful politicians pee on their parade back to an unheard of bowl streak for Vandy’s third in a row bowl trip at this season’s end.
Larry’s Loser – Austin Peay
Well that’s it for this week folks and here’s hoping that this week’s list isn’t laden with the land mines that lay in last week’s list. Till next week, enjoy the games support your team whether winners or Larry’s Losers…
Larry is an award winning writer whose work has appeared in almost every college football venue. Now he primarily writes for Touchdown Alabama Magazine. Follow Larry on Twitter at https://twitter.com/LBSportswriter