Larry’s Losers in the SEC – Week 4 – 2013
By: Larry Burton
Well folks, old Bacardi the Wonder Dog is in a great mood and celebrating our seasons first week of practically perfect pigskin picks. While we were perfect with the outcomes, some games weren’t exactly as we saw them, like who would have thought Ole Miss would have killed Texas? We saw a win, but thought it a late game ordeal. But we’ll take the perfect score on go on to this week. In fact, Bacardi may have celebrated a little too much.
… And then he took the celebration over perfection too far when he suggested tequila shots…
This should be another week where we get to flirt with perfection. There’s a ton of non SEC foes on this week’s list and the SEC should be favored to win them all and the conference match ups all seem to have a logical winner.
So this is the week the pigskin pickin’ pooch and I have been waiting on the get the pleasure of perfection in back to back fashion. So why wait any more? Let just jump right in.
Starting in the West
Colorado State at Alabama – Head coach Jim McElwain comes back to Bryant – Denny Stadium, but he won’t be treated like a favorite son coming home. That’s because he’s bringing in his newest flock of sheep, the Colorado State Rams to tangle with the tusked ones from Tuscaloosa.
These thick skulled sweater makers may lower their heads and charge all day but they aren’t going to move these elephants and inch. The only question is how bad Saban lets his boys run it up on his old friend and former coach before he calls off the dogs.
Larry’s Loser- Colorado State
Alabama didn’t just beat them, they shaved them to boot!
Arkansas at Rutgers – This is the tough one this week and could go either way as head coach Bret Bielema hauls his Hogs down to visit Kyle Flood’s Scarlet Knights. Last season these scarlet tin men went 9-4 while the pitiful piggies were mired in a 4-8 season of shame.
Now most would say that the Knights are going to go postal on these pigs but old Bacardi and I both see it the other way and are thinking upset here. With the upsets to the SEC teams that have ventured outside the conference so far, this would be a big step in putting the pride back in the conference.
Larry’s Loser – Rutgers
Auburn at LSU – The Tigers greatly growled grinding out 3 big wins in a row this season under head coach Gus Malzahn, but this week they get to see how a real Tiger takes care of business when they take on LSU at Les Miles grazing pasture down in bayou country.
It’s going to be interesting to see how the smoke and mirror offense of Short Bus Gus works against a real defense and they Kitties from wire grass country soon find out that LSU packs a little more wallop than the teams they’ve played so far.
Larry’s Loser – Auburn
Auburn was more than just beaten… This cat fight went bad from the beginning.
Troy at Mississippi State – The men from Troy come down to Starkvegas and hope to stage a little Trojan battle of their own on enemy soil, but Dan Mullen isn’t about to let these Trojans live out their Hollywood dreams this week in their house.
Mullen’s butt is getting warm from his hot seat and so far his mutts have been kinda cold against good teams, so he’s not about to let his seat sizzle from having these boys from Bama come in and pound his puppies. Look for a good old fashioned down your throat game from these Bulldogs who prove they still have a little bit of bite left in there.
Larry’s Loser – Troy
Ole Miss – Gets to prepare for Alabama for two weeks by having this one off. Will that be bad news for Bama?
SMU at Texas A&M – It’s not the Texas rivalry they used to play each year, but the Mustangs gallop up to College Station and hope to catch the Aggies still licking their wounds from the being trampled by the tusked ones from Tuscaloosa.
Now June Jones has a reputation of being to pull off an upset here and there but Kevin Sumlin’s dirt farmers aren’t about to lose two in a row, especially to these pack of ponies. When this fight’s over, lots of these horses will wind up in A&M’s lower 40.
Larry’s Loser – SMU
These Mustangs ran out of horsepower a little too early in this contest.
And now for the East
Tennessee at Florida – Head Coach Butch Jones has the unfortunate timing of opening up his Volunteer’s SEC schedule in the Swamp against a gaggle of Gators that have had two weeks of woe from being whooped by the wind bags from Miami.
The Vols looked plum pitiful last week as they played dreadful against the Ducks. And even though nobody that was sober would compare the offensive output of Oregon and Florida, these Gators, they’ll find enough spark in that sputtering engine to take care of these Vols. Muschamp’s Mud Puppies aren’t going to let their own SEC opener be one that takes them out of the race at the beginning and we all know what that means.
Larry’s Loser – Tennessee
North Texas at Georgia – North Texas is used to getting to come into the SEC, getting their Mean Green butts thoroughly kicked and then leaving with a big paycheck and this will be no exception.
While the Dogs won’t get many style points for this beating, it sure beats a loss. So the Bulldogs virtually get a week off to prepare for LSU and that will be a game worth the wait.
Larry’s Loser – North Texas
A Bulldog could get fat and lazy playing teams like this…
Kentucky gets a week off and they’ll need it with the schedule they’ve got coming up.
Missouri at Indiana – Missouri goes outside the SEC as Gary Pinkel goes up North to pay a call on Indiana, a team he knows well from his Toledo days, but this time when he meets them, he’s going to have an SEC team under his direction and payback is coming.
While Indiana could make it interesting and will make it a nail biter, these Hoosiers will wind up hosed and the the Tigers from the show me state show the world what an SEC caliber team will do to the Big Ten most of the time.
Larry’s Loser – Indiana
South Carolina gets the week off, not that they’ll need it for next weeks foe.
Vanderbilt at UMass – At UMass, they call themselves the Massachusetts Minutemen and it will only take them a minute to realize that they’re not going to win this game.
Coach James Franklin has had his share of tough losses this season and he’s not going to let this game be one of them. This is really just going to be a good practice game for his Song City Sailors. There’s plenty of calm seas ahead of these Commodores until they get to the mid month of October and this is part of that calmness.
Larry’s Loser – UMass
Is it just me, or does the Vanderbilt mascot look like someone who would be arrested for being a peeping Tom?
Well that’s it for this week folks, the pigskin pickin’ pooch and I are hoping that the team you pull for didn’t wind up on the losing side of this list. We’ll see you next week with the list of fumbling footballers that will fulfill your need to know who to start morning for.
