Larry’s Losers In The SEC – Week 5

By: Larry Burton

Happy footballing sports fans as SEC fans are now engaged in the meat of the SEC season and the upset bug just won’t stop biting us in the behind. Last week the big bad Bulldogs from Mississippi jumped up and took down a Tiger in LSU’s own Deaf Valley and the Missouri brand of Tigers also fell to a Big 10 toppler as Indiana took down a top SEC team. This week also has room for some surprises and since the pigskin pickin’ pooch have flirted with perfection, we haven’t nailed it yet, we hope that this is the week that we finally break through. So let’s get started and in order of starting time, show you the losers that will slink away embarrassed from Saturday’s showdowns.

Tennessee at Georgia – Tennessee got off to a fast start before falling to the Okies and think that they can catch these Bulldogs basking in their big beat down of little men from Troy and like the Carolina Cluckers, best the Bulldogs. But Mark’s Mutts aren’t about to Volunteer for that scenario and aim to chew through the Tennesseans and take no prisoners in this noon time noggin knocker. You never go into a Bulldog’s back yard and try and beat down a dog and this week the Knoxville hillbillies will learn that lesson the hard way. Tennessee is wanting to know how far they’ve come in getting better among the SEC teams, but they won’t like the answer they get this week. Larry’s loser – Tennessee

Vanderbilt at Kentucky – The two worst teams in the SEC will officially fight it out for the title of “worst team in the SEC” when the Song City Sailors drop anchor in Commonwealth country in Kentucky. Vanderbilt has gotten used to taming the tabbies and hope that history repeats itself this Saturday, but while both teams seem to be making small steps, only the Kentucky Kitties are going forward as the commodores go backward into the days gone by. Last week, Vandy did give Spurrier’s spurred ones a scare, but if they think that’s a sign that they’re back to being bad boys again, they got another lesson coming. These Kentucky Cats have had years without an SEC win, but now they only have to wait a few more days. Larry’s loser – Vanderbilt

Arkansas at Texas A&M – This year’s rabble of Razorbacks have been a tusk full of trouble for everyone they’ve met and they aim to be a little more trouble than these Texans can handle. Meanwhile, these Aggies are thinking that this could be the year that they ascend to the top of the tribe in the SEC and they’re not about to let these Hogs come in and make a pig pen in their newly refurbished stadium and leave some pig pies for them to step in. This is one that is giving us some reason for look high and low for the upset bug as the boys in Vegas see it as a 10 point win for the Aggies, but it could be closer in the final tally and it could be the upset bug special that we miss this week. Larry’s loser – Arkansas

Louisiana Tech at Auburn – Oh Lord, while most of the SEC is tangled up in tussles that will try them, Auburn is entertaining one of those “get your butt kicked for a big paycheck” teams that visit the SEC. I’d like to say that since Auburn struggled last week putting points on the Kitties from Kansas that this also ran team from swamp country has a puncher’s chance of pullin’ off an upset, but I’m not sure I could convince their mothers that these boys really have a chance. So find a real game to watch this weekend and let the Louisianians leave with their big paycheck and their punch in the face. Larry’s loser – Louisiana Tech

Missouri at South Carolina – Last week Missouri let the SEC down and went backward down the polls as the Carolina Cluckers struggled more than they should have against those Song City Sailors at Vanderbilt. So both these teams feel like they have something to prove and both still see themselves as contenders, not pretenders for the SEC East tile. But the truth is, for one of those teams, the dream will end after this week and one will go forward to dream another day. They boys in Vegas see this as a close game and a win for the Gamecocks and the truth is, since these Chickens let opposing offenses fly to coop far too often, they could easily lose a track meet. I can hear the upset bugs a buzzin’ in this one too, but we both feel that big peckers on proud pullets trump clawing Kitties. Larry’s loser – Missouri

Memphis at Ole Miss – I’m sure when they scheduled this game, this was supposed to be one of those punch in the face for a paycheck games, but the truth is, these men from Memphis can punch back this year and they’re a team just waiting to upset a big boy and they almost did it a few weeks ago against #11 UCLA. And don’t think that coach Hugh Freeze don’t know this and has regaled his Rebels that these Tennessee Tabbies aren’t to be triffled with.The boys in Vegas think this is gonna be a blowout, but I think it’s going to be closer than the 19 points they’re spreading around. Larry’s loser – Memphis

New Mexico State at LSU – Last week two unusual things happened, LSU was upset and upset at home in a night game where the bayou Bengals are usually untouchable. This week they have another night game and a chance to both rebuild their pride and their home record. And since is this is one of those butt kicking for a big check games, you can expect both those things to happen. It’s sad that LSU is wasting a good prime time spot to entertain such a football failure, but there are always other games that you can watch. If the dog and I miss this one, I’ll wear a tee shirt from the Big 10 for a week and the dog will dye his hair green. Larry’s loser – New Mexico State

Well that’s it for this week folks and Bacardi and I are both coming back from our vacations. He spent a week in Ft. Lauderdale  and some time at a doggie spa in Kissimmee. The little woman and I did a week with Princess Cruise Lines and some time at Wally World in Orlando. So there’s no excuse for us not to be rested up and ready for some good picks this week and next. We’ll publish early this week as we have driving time coming up soon.

Next week is really diving into the meat of the SEC vs SEC schedule and we can’t wait to see the fur fly and the dust to settle to see who wants to stay off Larry’s loser list the most. Till then get the popcorn ready and keep your nerves steady and we’ll laugh about this week’s losers next week.

Larry’s Losers in the SEC has been irreverently having fun with the games of the SEC for more than 10 years. Pardon the colloquial language in irreverent humor of the column as it is meant in a non insulting way to the losers or other participants. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column, but some feelings might have been hurt along the way. Follow him on Twitter for game time observations and other insights in Alabama Football at 

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