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Larry’s Losers in the SEC – Week 9


Larry’s Losers in the SEC – Week 9

By: Larry Burton

Well folks it was a week of winners and weepers. As good as Alabama was last week, Florida was just that bad. One was a flip and the other was a flop. I can’t believe the only one “upset” I missed was this Gator game. The pooch and I thought those mud puppy men would want to hang on to their coach a little more than that, but that loss made Muschamp start mulling over moving men and new venues.

This week has two possible upsets and we hope we don’t stumble the wrong way on one of those because one game has kept us from hitting perfection pay dirt all season long and we hope that this week we finally crack the code to get all the participants placed properly.

So jumping right in, let’s go in order of kickoff times and list those losers.

UAB at Arkansas – At 11:00am in Arkytown, the brimstone breathing Blazers blow into the Hog pen in hopes of continuing the Piggies problems in wandering into the win column.

But even these blind Hogs do find an acorn this week, it may be the last one of the season and these pitiful Pigs won’t be playing in post season, so it’ll be nice to at least ring up one more win before the curtain falls this season.

So if you’re a Hog fan, get to this game or be sure and record it to play back this winter when every team is winning but yours. Larry’s loser – UAB

Though it's been a tough season, these Hogs have vowed to slay these Dragons.

Though it’s been a tough season, these Hogs have vowed to slay these Dragons.

Mississippi State at Kentucky – What a difference a week makes. These Wildcats were ringing up points as fast as AT&T was ringing phones and then last week the lines went dead and they went back to being Mildcats.

But if anyone understands that cold teams can sometimes get hot it’s Dan Mullen and even though his team has been red hot all year so far, he knows he’d better not let his guard or his tackle down with this team because they could get red hot again at home.

But unless both teams run to both extremes in this game, I think the Bulldogs will continue barking “We’re number one!” for another week. Larry’s loser – Kentucky

And this map may stay this way after this week.

And this map may stay this way after this week.

Vanderbilt at Missouri – Poor Vanderbilt, there’s just no pushovers left in the SEC for them to claim a conference win from and this week they’re just hoping to limit the turnovers and keep it closer than Florida did who gift wrapped points for the Tigers all game last week.

Last week, I’ve never seen seen a team win a game that the simply sucked in so sadly on offense, and this week Pinkel’s Pussycats will try and pass the goal line after driving down the field instead of getting them handed to them.

But no matter how they get them, they’ll get more than the vanquished Vanderbilt squad and in the end, that’ll be all that matters. Larry’s loser – Vanderbilt

At least the Commodores go down fighting...

At least the Commodores go down fighting…

Ole Miss at LSU – Ok folks, you heard it here first. Everyone thinks that LSU is just another step on the road to the SEC playoffs, but though these striped swamp Siamese have different ideas of how this game could transpire.

This is a game that I really think could go LSU’s way because a night time number at Tiger Stadium could be a numbing nightmare for visitors and I really think (and so does Bacardi the Wonder Dog) that this game could go down to a big play or turnover and go either way.

Ole Miss has only won three of the last dozen dances and somehow Les Miles seems to have Rebels number and we want to pull the trigger on this upset really bad, but for those rascally Rebels, the Cinderella story doesn’t end just yet. Larry’s loser – LSU

LSU would love re-live the old days once again.

LSU would love re-live the old days once again.

South Carolina at Auburn – South Carolina….. Thy name is madness this season. You lose when you shouldn’t, you win when you shouldn’t and you’ve broken by heart and my predictions all season. So I’m tempted to go for the upset here on no other logic than, “Just Because!”

Auburn has proven that when they are good they are great and when they are off, they’re awful. So if Gus’ bus gets a flat from the Carolina Clucker’s big peckers, things could get prickly pretty darn fast.

But since the Bulldogs chewed through the last set of tires on the Gus bus, Coach Malzahn’s bought some off road rubber that he hopes will be pullet pecker proof. I think he was smart to buy those and maybe he’ll wind up with a good game if not a Goodyear! Larry’s loser – South Carolina

After plucking us up all season with perfect picks, it'll be nice to see them all plucked up.

After plucking us up all season with perfect picks, it’ll be nice to see them all plucked up.

Alabama at Tennessee – It’s been a while since these two dallied after dark together and Coach Butch Jones is hoping to make a wish on a shooting star and pull out improbable prize.

But Saban knows these Vols haven’t toppled the Tide since most of these boys were in the 6th grade playing pee wee football and he ain’t about to stop that streak on his watch.

So this one could end up about as ugly as the Texas tragedy last weekend, but something tells me that home field keeps it a less terrible for these Tennesseeans. Larry’s loser – Tennessee

The Vols haven't gotten much right this year.

The Vols haven’t gotten much right this year.


 Larry’s Losers in the SEC has been irreverently having fun with the games of the SEC for more than 10 years. Pardon the colloquial language in irreverent humor of the column as it is meant in a non insulting way to the losers or other participants. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column, but some feelings might have been hurt along the way.




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