Larry’s Losers in the SEC- Part One – Through Dec 31
By: Larry Burton
Well folks just like that the regular season in the SEC went out like a lamb and not like a lion. In the final week, few teams were surprised and in the SEC Championship Game, there proved to only be one lion and the Tide came in for yet another SEC crown.
But now it’s bowl season and a time when every good SEC fan must forget the rivalries and pull for the SEC team in all the brain busting bowls that will come forward.
As usual, we split the bowl games into two editions, the pre-2015 bowls and the ones after the New Year’s champagne has been popped. This year, I’m making the picks via Skype with the pigskin pickin’ pooch who is vacationing in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida while the Mrs. and I are sailing the land of the long white cloud in New Zealand and then cosying up to some kangaroos in Australia. But I’ll be back Stateside for the big ones and with the pug who’s pouring over the press releases to predict a problem for all the the 2015 losers.
But don’t panic over the perfection of these vacation picks, the pooch and I have been studying the stats, including the injuries, haggling over the hot hands and histories and we feel good about losers that are going to languish in the next few lines.
Miami vs South Carolina – Dec. 27th – Picked to win the SEC East, Steve Spurrier’s Carolina Cluckers lined up and laid an egg this season and they figure the only way to salvage a season is by halting a hurricane that’s gonna blow in from the South.
Meanwhile the blow hards from Miami aim to come in and show folks that this is a team on the rise and full of surprise and they plan to plant that egg these cluckers laid squarely in their face and blow into next season on a hot steak.
Nobody wants to wind up in Shreveport for their bowl game, but it’s better to win the worst bowl game than lose a mid tier bowl. This is one of those close games that could go either way, but you have to go with the team on the rise and not the team that’s all clucked up. Larry’s loser – South Carolina
Steve Spurrier should have brought a stronger hen house to Shreeveport. The Canes blew this one down.
Texas A&M at West Virginia – Dec. 29th – Kevin Sumlin mosies his Aggies into Memphis and plans on planting some winning seeds that will carry his Texan’s into next season.
But West Virginia plans on being the Mountaineers on the summit of this Memphis mountain when the final whistle in blown.
This is another good game that could go either way, but since both teams think defense is something your put in the backyard to keep your dogs from running away, you have to look at who can put the most points on the scoreboard and again, while it could go either way, we’re going to say since their in SEC territory, that home field sways the day. In a close one, Larry’s loser – West Virginia
Unfortunately for the Mountaineers, they don’t recover from their holiday off…
Arkansas vs Texas – Dec. 29th – Bret’s Bovines head on down to Houston to harass and gash a lot of Longhorns and add to the misery that has been Texas football this season.
Now while Texas may have a Strong coach, these lollygagging Longhorns have been long on talent and short on scoring more than the opponents this season.
It’s a good idea to ride a hot streak and these Hogs have gotten better as the season rolled on these Longhorn’s have just been sliding on a snot streak, so it’s pretty easy to pick this one. In a bigger blowout than most in Vegas see, Larry’s loser – Texas
The Longhorns will be re-branded “Hog’s B” … You do the math
Notre Dame at LSU – Dec. 30th- Never in history has one team been so highly rated for so little actual accomplishment as Nutered Dame. Now they come in to Nashville hoping the luck of the Irish will come their way and keep them from their yearly embarrassment in the bowl games.
But Les Miles tribe of Tigers are angry that the season didn’t go better for them and they want to show the world what a bunch of bad boy Bengals can do a team once they get their claws in them.
The boys in Vegas see this as a one score game, but Bacardi the Wonder Dog bets his favorite bone that these little leprechauns limp home licking their wounds with a major mangling. In a game never in doubt, Larry’s loser – Notre Dame
After this game, Notre Dame should be arrested for impersonating a bowl team.
Georgia vs Louisville – Dec. 30th – Mark’s Mutts were all upset that they didn’t get a chance to play in the SEC title game, that was until their little brother banged them up and showed the world that Missouri instead saved them a bodacious butt bashing. So now with a more manageable team in view, they figure they can get this bird in hand and start planning for next season.
But Bobby Petrino knows a lot about taking on an SEC team with his tail between his legs and he plans on kicking that Dog while he’s down and building a little confidence in his Cardinals for next season.
This one could come down to a late game kick or goal line stand and if defense is needed, only one team brought enough of that. But if Mark Richt left his Dog’s choke collars at home, this one should go as it should. Larry’s loser – Louisville
To a Bulldog, Cardinals taste just like chicken…
Ole Miss vs TCU – Dec. 31st -Hugh Freeze gets what a wanted, a trip to Atlanta, but he’s not playing in the game he wanted to a few days ago. And he plans on showing the world that his randy Rebels are ready to roust a formidable Frog that thought they should have been playing on a bigger stage than this one.
Meanwhile, these Horny Toads aim to show the world that they indeed did deserve better than a Peach Bowl bid and they intend to hop on these rascally Rebels and show the world that they were wronged for not getting to run with the big dogs.
But the pooch with a nose for upset says he smells one coming in this one and instead the Championship Committee voters get to say I told you so after the Viagra wears off on these Horny Toads. In an upset – Larry’s loser – TCU
In an upset, we’re predicting these Horned Frogs play more like Jabba the Hut.
Mississippi State vs Georgia Tech – Dec. 31 – Dan’s Doggies go to drool over the South Beach dolls down in Miami this bowl season and while they’ve been more than good dogs this season, they can’t help but feel they could have been better, so they aim to end this season on a high note and wreck Tech.
But after beating another brand of SEC Bulldogs just a few weeks ago, these Yellow Jackets figure they know all there is to know about stinging an SEC dog into submission and swarming them for another win.
But what these winged stingers didn’t realize is that not all Bulldogs are the same and that this one won’t roll over and play dead as easy as the others and that when this game is over, the outcome won’t be quite as rewarding. Larry’s loser – Georgia Tech
Where’s he gonna kiss him if he wins a bowl game for him?
Well that’s it for the 2014 picks. My oh my how time does fly, but stay tuned for the first list of losers from Larry for 2015 in the second part of the SEC Bowl edition. Till then, Merry Christmas and may God bless each and every one of you this holiday season. Yes, even the losers.
See you in a week or so and remember the true reason for the season.
