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Larry’s Losers in the SEC – Week Three – 2012

Larry’s Losers in the SEC – Week 3 – 2012

Larry Burton

Don’t expect a lot of “Brotherly Love” this season in the SEC.

Well folks the second week of the season is in the books and it was the most pitiful prognostication performance we’ve ever turned in. Perhaps that cruise I took two weeks ago leaving the pigskin pickin’ pooch in charge of all the research wasn’t such a good idea, but you win or lose as a team and we’ll take our lumps together.

 

Never before have we suffered four wrong picks in one week but only God saw the Hogs falling to a directional school from crawdaddy country. Both upsets we picked fizzled out after looking good through three quarters and Vanderbilt lost a close one that coulda – shoulda, but then that’s just vintage Vandy. That 7-4 mark is one we hope will never be repeated and so far our 19-5 record only gets us a measly 74% rating and that’s a C on anybodies report card.

 

This week it looks like we’ll have to digest more humble pie than smart cookies, but it only takes one week to turn things around and we’re hoping that this will be this one.

 

Starting in the East

 

All Vol fans should make sure your cap doesn’t have relatives nearby before wearing.

Florida at Tennessee – Derek Dooley came of the gates looking like a man who had fixed the problems in Hardknoxville and while Wil Muschamp’s gaggle of Gators did beat a lead blowing pack of Aggies last week, they still looked like a team in turmoil.

 

This is a game that will finally give the Vols a chance to pick on somebody on their own size and give the Gators a chance to finally show they have gotten on the road to recovery.

 

This game should be a Duesy with the Gators snapping and the Volunteers firing their muskets and it won’t be till all the smoke clears till we see how it all winds up, but once it does, we feel the Vols will have defended the home turf and started their comeback in the SEC.

 

Larry’s loser – Florida

 

Georgia grounds the Owls quickly and FAU won’t fly out of the Hedges after this one.

Florida Atlantic at Georgia – The Bulldogs are glad to be back in the dog house after an unfriendly but fruitful trip to see the new boys in the club from Missouri and they’re hoping that FAU head coach Carl Pelini ain’t got a group of Owls wise enough to figure out how to win against these Bulldogs.

 

Last week I picked these dogs to be upset, but the new boys in the SEC just didn’t have the gas in the tank to finish the game with these big Dogs and Bacardi and I won’t make the same mistake this week.

 

While last week proved any upset can happen when you meet a spirited feather brained opponent that didn’t realize he was supposed to loose, these ain’t no Warhawks and the Dog’s will still be a pluckin’ long after the sun’s gone down.

 

Larry’s Loser – FAU

To try and raise interest in this football team, Kentucky officials are considering a new football mascot.

Western Kentucky at Kentucky – Head Hilltopper Willie Taggart has already buried his boys against SEC opponents this season and while Joker Phillips’ catatonic Kitties aren’t as powerful as a pack of pachyderms, they may have trepidations that these Hilltoppers can topple these Tabbies.

 

Neither team is terrible here, but Kentucky is terrible in the league they’re in and while the Hilltoppers can compete in their own conference, they’re a fish out of water in the SEC.

 

Still, upsets can happen, and second place braggin’ rights in the state of Kentucky are on the line between these two, so there’s gonna be a fight to see if these hill hikers can get a win over these flat land felines. But when it’s over, count on the SEC’s deeper benches to prevail.

 

Larry’s Loser – Western Kentucky

Three guesses what this “Devil” has on his mind and football isn’t one of them.

Arizona State at Missouri – Last week I picked this bunch of SEC new team Tabbies to upset Georgia and for a while the upset bug looked like it could infect those bully Bulldogs. But the antibiotics they took at halftime beat back the big bad bug and bounced them back into victory. Now one has to wonder can the Cats survive an undefeated Sun Devil Saturday?

 

Coach Todd Graham seems to have the tips on these Devil’s pitchforks pretty sharp this season and after two big weeks of butt stomping, feels he’s ready to take on the SEC and add to the Tiger’s woes.

 

After watching Missouri wilt away and add another loss to the worst week ever, I think the Tigers will tumble once again this week and the new kid on the block lets some SEC pride melt away under the Sun Devil sticking.

 

Larry’s Loser – Missouri

Though it hasn’t really been alive for some time, the Gamecocks make sure the Dragon is dead.

UAB at South Carolina – Garrick McGee brings the Blazers from Birmingham to the cozy confines of the Carolina Gamecocks, but let’s face it, we all know he’ll be draggin’ these Dragons back to the bus when the game is over.

 

These Dragons haven’t breathed fire in a while now and their bad breath ain’t enough to keep these losing lizards from breathing anything that’ll keep the cluckers from pecking the pee out of these frivolous fooballers.

 

This is a good week to let the clucked up players from South Carolina heal up before they have to put on their big boy pants again.

 

Larry’s loser – UAB

 

Despite having a sissy mascot, these Commodores are due for a win.

Presbyterian at Vanderbilt How many people even know where Presbyterian is, much less what their team name is? Not many I bet. Presbyterian is in Clinton, South Carolina and they are the Blue Hose. Blue Hose? Really?

 

They used to be called the Blue Stockings, but that wasn’t manly enough so now they’ve become hose wearers.

 

In any event, it’s time that these Commodores from country crooning corner landed a win and if it ain’t here, it won’t be anywhere.

 

Larry’s loser – Presbyterian

 

Now for the West

After four bad picks, Bacardi will serve as the honorary Arkansas mascot this week.

Alabama at Arkansas – It became abundantly clear last week why head Hog John L. Smith was only given a ten month contract with Arkansas this season, as the Sows suffered the SEC upset of the year in only the second week of contests.

 

Now instead of looking at this week’s game as a match-up to see the Hogs can finally take a front seat in SEC, it’s just a game to see how well they can regroup while getting gored by the Tuskers from Tuscaloosa

 

The Tide may be trampling teams so far this season, but they’ve still got lots of things to fix before they start trying to tame the Tigers from where the Mighty Mississippi drops her water in the gulf and this is still a good team to work those out.

 

Larry’s loser – Arkansas

 

After getting their wing clipped, at least the War Eagles can still fly in a circle at least a low small one.

University of Louisiana at Monroe at Auburn – Can it get any worse for these Worn Eagles from Auburn? Yes, a loss here can start getting the tar warmed for head Kitty Cat Gene Chizik to be poured on him later with the feathers and fur that have been plucked off these AllBoring Tigers and these Warped Eagles all season.

 

Sure, they’ve lost two games to pretty good teams, but last week these Warhawks may have proven that they are a pretty good team themselves. They come into this week full of hope, pride and high expectations and if Kyle Fizzle, the new Auburn quarterback can’t manage more offense than he did last week, Auburn may be looking for more than a new quarterback.

 

My my, that 8-5 season that the Auburn fans were crying about last year is now starting to look the glory days. If they lose this one, a five win season would be a great finish and a four win a strong possibility. I don’t know if I should call this an upset special anymore, but I look for the Auburn offense to continue suck more than school bus full of kids in a Tootsie Pop factory.

 

Larry’s loser – Auburn

 

Who would have thought? Idaho Vandals, they taste like chicken.

Idaho at LSU – Counting Auburn, LSU has six creme puffs in a row before finally playing at least a middle of the road SEC team in Florida. This week the sacrificial lamb is Idaho and these Vandals won’t get a chance to vandalize anything in Bayou Country.

 

This vagabond bunch of Vandals have already lost to such nobodies as Eastern Washington and Bowling Green and Les Miles and his crayfish Kitties can put whatever score they want to on the scoreboard without Idaho even having a say in the matter.

 

The only way LSU loses this one is a surprise nuclear strike on Baton Rouge before Saturday by North Korea.

 

Larry’s loser – Idaho

 

After much longing to beat the SEC at something, Mack Brown challenges Nick Saban to a game of Jinga. Thank God he’s finally playing Ole Miss.

Texas at Ole Miss – Mack Brown needs to get a good season under his belt again and a win against an SEC school would not only help in the win column, but the prestige meter and Ole Miss will be sure to oblige this week.

 

It’s not that Ole Miss doesn’t want to win, it’s just that they’re bad, really bad. If Ole Miss loses by less than 20, at least they can put this one in the moral victory column.

 

But at least the Rebels will show the Longhorn faithful that make the trip how first class tailgating is done and they’ll always have a picturesque campus to tour, so they’ll just have to hang their hats on that this week.

 

Larry’s loser – Ole Miss

Somehow, this year’s crop of Trojans just aren’t as manly.

Mississippi State at Troy – The men of Troy love to play giant killers and in the past they’ve done it. But this ain’t then and this group of Trojans won’t be confused with their West Coast namesakes this season with their playing ability.

 

Mullen’s mutts have a great start going this season and should be 5-0 before they tangle with Tennessee in what should be their first real test of the season.

 

Now they’re not going to overlook these Trojans from Troy, but they ain’t losing sleep over them either and neither should the Bulldog faithful.

 

Larry’s loser – Troy

Some of the Aggies misunderstood the game plan on wrecking the mustangs.

Texas A&M at SMU – Last week the A&M Aggies once again proved that they are second half suckers with the gas tank capacity of a Vespa scooter. Do they even have a fourth quarter program at College Station?

 

Fortunately this week they’re playing a team that can’t get out of the gate well or finish all that hot against a good team and nobody here would say the Aggies aren’t a good team.

 

So look for these farm boys to bust these Mustangs and have ’em broken and saddled by the end of this contest.

 

Larry’s loser – SMU

 

And that’s it for this week. Bacardi and I need to go hunt up some aspirin for the hangover of such a bad week, but before we go, we hope your team’s on the other side of the loser list and your week goes better than ours did last week.

 

 

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