With two weeks in the books, it’s getting easier to pick the winners from the losers.
Larry’s Losers in the SEC – Week 3 – 2013
By: Larry Burton
Well folks, the Bacardi the Wonder Dog and I both hang our head in shame because there were really only two games that we could have lost and we lost them both. Florida didn’t take care of business against Miami despite Miami only gaining about 2 yards over 2 of the 4 quarters of play and the South Carolina Gamecocks just didn’t give a cluck when it mattered most in their game against the Georgia Bulldogs.
So for the record, we went 10 for 12 and that equates out to an 83 percentage in pigskin pickin’ practices. So with perfection still practically hiding in plain site, the pooch and I will attempt to placate our need for perfection and pick the poor pitiful players that will wind up on the losers list this week.
Starting in the East
Florida needs to take the week off after getting blown away by the Hurricanes. Maybe they won’t fumble this off week.
Georgia needs a week off too but for different reasons, they need more time to celebrate finally beating the Old Ball Coach and paving their own way to Atlanta.
And Missouri needs a week off to celebrate still being undefeated, so now we’ll get to the ones who are trying desperately to stay off Larry’s list.
Kentucky at Louisville – This is the game that would mean something if it were basketball season, but when the big red Cardinals take on the Mildcats in football, it’s a totally different outcome and these paltry pussycats don’t have the claws to fend of the big peckers the Cardinals will be using.
Mark Stoops may have brought a little excitement to the program after his hire, but last week unsold tickets to Kentucky’s game went for $11 on stubhub, so the excitement’s over and so are the wins.
Larry’s Loser – Kentucky
I can’t hear anyone yelling that we going to win!
Vanderbilt at South Carolina – Folks this is the game of the week in the East and if you don’t think that coach James Franklin isn’t going to have his Commodores cranked up for this contest, then you better strap in tight when you watch this game.
But the Old Ball Coach’s Carolina Cluckers ain’t about to let these Song City Sailors drop anchor in their neck of the woods without an all out pecking party pummeling theses pigskin pirates. Folks, both the popular pug and I both feel this one could be a nail chewer but in the end, the one with the most to lose, won’t go that route. South Carolina is going to have to hope that somebody else takes care of Georgia for them the way others took care of them in the past to put Georgia in the title game.
Larry’s Loser – Vanderbilt
Tennessee at Oregon – You got to applaud the the fact that Tennessee is stepping up to take on a big foe like this while others are ducking opponents as tough as the Ducks. But what head coach Butch Jones gets in points for volunteering his Vols for this contest, he could lose in embarrassment points.
Usually an SEC team won’t be embarrassed when it goes out of conference and this game might be worth a look just to see if a less than average SEC can hold up under what may be the best of the Pac 10. While the Vols are sure bets to lose, they could still manage some man points by making it a contest and keeping it under the 20 point Las Vegas point spread.
Larry’s Loser – Tennessee
In this game, the Vols just can’t seem to do anything right.
And now for the West
Alabama at Texas A&M – In their last contest, the Alabama offense didn’t look like a rolling Tide while the A&M offense clicked of points like the meter in a New York Taxi.
A lot of folks think that this game could decide a trip to Atlanta, but the Pug and I both feel that this is just the first of a few stumbling blocks that A&M will trip over this fall. Once this offense gets the tune up right, this could be a team to plant the Aggies in their own North 40. The Vegas boys say Bama -7 but we see a bigger win in store.
Larry’s Loser – Texas A&M
The closest Johnny Manziel will ever get to a championship.
Southern Miss at Arkansas – So far, head coach Bret Bielema has paraded his Pigs to the people as winners and he ain’t about to let these Golden Eagles lay an egg on his “UnBielemest” record just yet.
Now while the Hogs ain’t made it all the way back to the top of the SEC heap, they’re still a darn site better than they were and that’s gonna be enough to leave these Eagles all plucked up and walking back down to Mississippi with their pride a little more than wounded.
Larry’s Loser – Southern Miss
Mississippi State at Auburn – These are two programs that want to escape mediocrity and neither will think twice about stepping on the other one’s head to get off the bottom of the SEC. Last season, Dan’s Doggies tamed the Tigers 28-10, those worn out Eagles from last season think they’ve got the magic back with Gus Malzahn calling the shots.
The question in this game is simple, can short bus Gus make up 18 points difference with his smoke and mirror offense? Well my old Pug pal who almost never goes against a fellow dog gives me an emphatic yes, so if this old Wonder Dog can change his allegiance and give a pussycat the nod, that’s good enough for me.
Larry’s Loser – Mississippi State
Kent State at LSU – The Golden Flashes fly down to bayou country and hope to blind the Tigers long enough to make it out the back door with a win, but Les Miles knows he’s got a good thing going this season and he ain’t about to let these feather brains come into Tiger Stadium and not get shot down.
This is a team that LSU should beat with their second team and the only thing in doubt in this contest will be if the LSU can throw a shut out and quiet those doubters of Tiger defense and to see if the offense can finally get out of park and into high gear.
Larry’s Loser – Kent State
Ole Miss at Texas – Last season, Ole Miss got gored 66-31 by the Longhorns at home and the game looked like a Texas track meet for most of the game. This year, head coach Hugh Freeze hopes to cool down that stampede by both keeping the ball a little longer himself and by turning loose a better defense on these hoofed horny heads.
We all know Ole Miss is a much better team than they were last year, the question is, are they 36 points better than they were in this contest last year? For the pride of the SEC I’d like to say yes. It’s hard to say how the horny boys will play following their pitiful performance against the Morman mass last weekend, but if the horns lose this one, Mack Brown’s butt will be hotter than black car roof on a July day in Texas. We feel like an upset is in the making and the Rebels are finally going to make a stand on a national stage. Payback is a bitch and so is Texas’ defense.
Larry’s Loser – Texas
Hey, I’m playing for my job here, since nobody else is, can’t you cut me some slack?
And that’s it for this week folks. Bacardi the Wonder Dog and I wish you a happy week of welcoming winners, but if the team you’re longing for is on this likely list of losers then there’s there’s always next week.
Till then we bid you adieu. Now where’s my slippers dog?
Larry is an award winning writer whose work has appeared in almost every college football venue. Now he primarily writes for Touchdown Alabama Magazine. Follow Larry on Twitter at https://twitter.com/LBSportswriter
