Larry’s Losers in the SEC – Week 11

By: Larry Burton

My oh my! What a week we had last week! The upset bug was biting again and no one was safe. Certainly not those Bulldogs of the Georgia variety who lost to a team that seemed unable to find their way out of the locker room, much less and opponent’s goal line.

Then there was the new formation that Gus Malzahn came up with. I guess he borrowed it from Texas A&M, the 12th man offense. He liked it so much he ran it five times without the officials noticing. No wonder people kept getting open. It’s hard to cover 12 guys with 11.

Also Tennessee ended up being the winner, winner, chicken dinner team that just added to the misery of all those feathered football fans. To add insult to injury, we picked an upset, but the Kentucky Kitties let us down against mighty Missouri.

In all we want to get away from last week as fast as possible, so let’s just jump right in and promote the prognostication of some perfect picks for posterity.

Georgia at Kentucky – Both these teams let their fan bases down last week and this week Mark Richt figures if he takes the Dog show on the road to Kentucky that he’ll be back in the winning ways real soon.

But Mark Stoops ain’t so sure that these red clay porch pooches are so unbeatable, especially after watching last week’s game film. So he’s got his Kentucky Kitties ready to rough up that pack of pooches. One thing’s for sure, absolutely sure in this game, mark my words here, Mark will win this game.

Bacardi and I both feel that by the end of the game, no matter how hard fought, the scoreboard will show that a Bulldog’s bite beats a Kitty clawing. Larry’s loser – Kentucky

Presbyterian at Ole Miss – Quick! Who knows where Presbyterian is? Clinton, South Carolina. Who knows what their mascot is? A blue hose. That’s right, a blue sock. But they aren’t known as the “Fighting Hose”, that would sound more like a cat fight or something.

And with Ole Miss beaten and bruised from the tussle with the Tigers last week, this could be just the kind of off week they need before partying with the Pigs and battling with the Bulldogs in the next few weeks.

So the hose boys come up, offer up a prayer or two that they don’t get too badly battered for their ball bucks and leave with a butt kicking and a big check. Larry’s loser – Presbyterian

Texas A&M at Auburn – Kevin Summlin tucks the Texans in the tour bus and brings the Aggie show on the road to Auburn where he’s hoping that referees watch the game a little closer than they have been and he won’t have play against that 12th man offense this week.

But with Auburn looking to win out and get into another national championship series, Gus ain’t gonna let these Texans have a break if he can help it and if he can get away with playing 14, he sure will.

But this week I don’t think they’ll need to pull that play as the Tigers should triumph over the Texans in a fashion that will keep them in the hunt for another week or so. Larry’s loser – Texas A&M

UT Martin at Mississippi State – In another one of those creme puff games, UT Martin, and by the way those are the Skyhawks,  and they swoop down to Starkvegas for a pounding and a paycheck and that’s just what they’ll get.

Dan’s Doggies are sitting pretty atop the college football world and with them traveling to tussle with the tusked ones next week in Tuscaloosa, this is just like an extra week off to prepare.

It wouldn’t surprise me if nary a Bulldog watched five minutes of Skyhawk film and would surprise me even more if they needed to. Larry’s loser – UT Martin

Florida at Vanderbilt – In the last of the creme puff games, oh to heck with SEC and political correctness, Vandy is the SEC sure win this season, the swamp salamanders swaray up to Song City and hope to keep the wins coming and nail down a bowl bid that now seems likely with another sure fire loser on the horizon.

And while it’s clear that these stumbling sailors aren’t going anywhere this post season, they’d sure like to win just one SEC contest this season and they figure that this could be their best chance to do so.

But I’d like a Ferrari for Christmas and the pigskin pickin’ pooch would like to date a poodle, but since we won’t get our wish, neither will these Song City Sailors. Larry’s loser – Vanderbilt

Alabama at LSU – Nick Saban sashays his pack of pachyderms back to Bayou Country in hopes of keeping the Tuscaloosa tusked ones in the playoff and SEC hunt.

But Les has more on that subject and he figures that if he beat the team that tamed the Tide, is there anywhere for that bunch to hide? So he’s telling his Tabbies that they’re still in the game and headed for fame.

But since LSU has only won four games in 45 years in their own stadium against the Tide, this nighttime venue in the Valley of Deaf is a much better than a home field advantage for the Crimson crowd and they’ll once again make the most of it. Larry’s loser – LSU

Well that’s it for this week folks and with all the creme puff games and sure loss losers, Bacardi the Wonder Dog and I are sure that this is going to a better week in the prognostication process. If not, we’ll start doing a weekly column of the great rums of the world and we’ll be ready to tell you all about them after the drinking that will ensue if we miss most of these games.

With only one game this week between ranked teams, this may not be the most exciting week in terms of playoff ramifications, but next week it’s all SEC against SEC and excitement will be the key word all day and night long next Saturday!

So till then, me and the pooch are both studying the stats, checking the charts, inquiring about the injuries and listing the losers and we hope to see you back real soon.

 Larry’s Losers in the SEC has been irreverently having fun with the games of the SEC for more than 10 years. Pardon the colloquial language and irreverent humor of the column as it is meant in a non insulting way to the losers or other participants. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column, but some feelings might have been hurt along the way.