Larry’s Losers in the SEC – Week Four
By: Larry Burton
Well fans, I’ve learned a lesson about this season. The good teams are easy picks and the bad teams can’t be counted on to either be bad enough to bet on winning, or they’re just barely good enough to keep from losing to a team after you’ve given up on them. Such was the case this past week with Kentucky and Auburn. Both went to overtime and both did just the opposite that I picked.
Kentucky had the talent to win that game over a relative nobody from the Sunbelt Conference, Western Kentucky, but lost in overtime. And Auburn has played like a team without a clue for most of the season, but finally found a way to beat yet another Sun Belt Conference in overtime.
That was good for two losses, then there was Missouri, who had been melting in the second half of almost every game, but didn’t melt enough in this game even though they were outscored 13-0 in the fourth quarter.
The last loss was the one that hurt the most. Tennessee had opened the season averaging 43 points a game, looking unstoppable, while Florida averaged just over 23 points a game and lookied like an offense without a clue. But for this game, they played the opposite roles.
So while four wrong picks and back to back Baptisms by fire briefly didn’t benefit my benefactors who back my bemusings, Bacardi the Wonder Dog and I still have high hopes that we can hang up higher numbers in the coming weeks and we’re ready to start right now.
Beginning in the East
Darn! Not again! How much is my buyout?
Kentucky at Florida – Joker Phillips’ Kentucky Kitties aren’t one of the best team in the country, they’re not one of the best teams in the SEC and they are in fact the worst football team in the state of Kentucky. By losing to both Louisville and Western Kentucky, the Jokester’s seat isn’t just hot anymore, it should be absolutely flaming by now.
The Muschamp chompers from down the freeway in Gainesville are finally hitting their stride and they aren’t about to let these flea bitten felines in Florida folly the season that they’ve got going.
This is about a sure a pick as you can get this season when two SEC teams get together and the only interesting thing to come from this game would be if they just go ahead and fire Phillips after this game.
Larry’s loser – Kentucky
The didn’t just take the win, the Bulldogs took the Commodore’s ship as well.
Vanderbilt at Georgia – James Franklin is building a good thing up in Song City, Tennessee, but he’s still a year or two away from fighting week in and week out with all the big boys in the SEC.
But if Mark Richt thinks he can overlook these country crooning Commodores and coast he’s crazy. But that ain’t something that these manic mutts are likely to do. These players know all too well what can happen in the SEC when you manage to make those mistakes.
Bacardi and I both have a funny feeling about this one though the boys from Vegas may see this as a Dog mauling, we think it’s gonna be closer than most think.
Larry’s loser – Vanderbilt
The Chicken only fooled the Tiger into chasing him back to the coup where he was pecked to death by a clan of cluckers.
Missouri at South Carolina – The Midwest Missourians take their tabbies on their first trip to the Carolinas where the Cluckers await them in Columbia for a thorough clocking.
If Coach Pinkel thinks he’s experienced what the SEC has to offer after just hosting on SEC team on their home turf, he’s in for a rude awakening when he takes his Tigers into a Carolina Chicken Coup crammed with crazy Gamecock fans.
This is a game that the Old Ball Coach can’t afford to have his boys look past. because these Tigers are going to get it all together on game and when they do, it could be bad news for whoever is lined up on the other side of the ball from them. While that may just happen anytime this season, we just don’t think it’s this game.
Larry’s loser – Missouri
Akron at Tennessee – Picking creme puff games is already getting old and Kangaroos from Akron won’t hop home with a win. But it will be a pick me up for a bunch of Vols who took last week’s loss harder than Bacardi and I did.
Larry’s Loser – Akron
And now for the West
The nursery school myth about elephants liking owls was quickly dismissed as an ugly lie at kickoff of the Alabama – FAU game.
Florida Atlantic at Alabama – Carl Pellini and his out manned owls make the mistake of not flying South this fall and instead fly North to the worst possible place a band of birds could possibly fly, Tuscaloosa, Alabama, where the Crimson Tide waits to have their pachyderm players pluck their Owl pals.
FAU, FIU, USF, does it really matter which initial school that comes to Tuscaloosa for the big paycheck and butt kicking?
The only thing interesting about this game is wondering if Florida Atlantic can manage as many first downs as Alabama does touchdowns and how mad Nick Saban is at the end of the game for whatever mistake they may make.
Larry’s loser – FAU
The Scarlet Knights weren’t expecting THIS razorback to show up but the nightmare in Arkansas had begun.
Rutgers at Arkansas – The Hogs have hallucinations from the horrors of the holocaustic hammering the got last week from the Tuskers from Tuscaloosa and they’re hoping that a happy happening this weekend will make them forget the past and get on with the rest of the season.
To help that happen, it looks like Tyler Wilson will be the head Hog again this week and that might just be the spark plug they need to get to firing on all cylinders again.
But Rutgers head coach Kyle Flood is confident that he can extend the winning streak that stands at 3-0 right now and that these Scarlet Knights can use their lances to stick a sow and hang a few Hogs in barbeque before they come back to form.
Yet in the end, you just have to believe that you can’t keep a good Hog down and this is the week that it won’t matter that they have a head coach who’s battier than Batman and that the season has started off so bad.
Larry’s loser – Rutgers
All in just doesn’t mean at Auburn this year.
LSU at Auburn – Last week Auburn did something surprising, they won and made us miss another pick. It took two trick plays and a lot of luck to pull out a win over a Sun Belt opponent in overtime. If the Tigers had lost that game, it wouldn’t matter if Chizik had won five national championships, his pants would be on fire.
Les Miles isn’t one to look ahead, but he’s not worried how many trick plays the Tigers from Auburn practice this week, there isn’t many tricks to keep you from getting steam rolled by a bigger, stronger, smarter and better coached team. So if he is working on October’s games with Florida and South Carolina instead of Auburn, could you blame him?
To make this game interesting keep stats to see if Auburn quarterback Kyle Fizzle throws more interceptions than touchdown passes and if the Auburn defense gives up more points than the Auburn offense gets in rushing yardage. Other than that, it’s not going to be worth watching.
Larry’s loser – Auburn
Ole Miss really sucks this season, but you have to admire their game plan for getting rid of the Green Wave from Tulane.
Ole Miss at Tulane – Coach Hugh Freeze knows he inherited an Ole Mess when he took over at Oxford, but he’s aiming to at least start the season respectably at 3-1 before the avalanche of losses start piling in and having Tulane as the next opponent seems sure to make that happen.
But Green Wave head coach Curtis Johnson thinks he may can catch these Rebels in the deep end of the pool and dunk ’em good enough to get out with a win.
But he isn’t coaching the New Orleans Saints anymore and these Rebels will prove to be able to swim through all that slimy green water just fine and while the Rebels won’t end up as the best team in the region, they’ll know that they were at least better than this bunch.
Larry’s loser – Tulane
The Mississippi State Bulldogs found out that once you start winning, it doesn’t matter how ugly you are to the ladies.
South Alabama at Mississippi State – South Alabama head coach Joey Jones knows all about playing SEC teams as he was a former pass snagger for the Crimson Tider himself and he plans on having his Jaguars ready to maul Mullen’s Mutts on this visit to Starkville.
The only trouble with that plan is that that these Bulldogs aim on protecting their home turf and they don’t plan on letting these pussycats play pigskin pranks.
Dan’s dandie Doggies could wind up 7-0 to start this season before they meet Alabama at the end of October and he’s not going to let this David vs Goliath contest end up with a rock being flung upside his head. This game is likely to be as ugly as most think it could be and it could just add to the confidence level this pack of pooches has needed for a few years.
Larry’s losers – South Alabama
These Bulldogs may not come back out after half time.
South Carolina State at Texas A&M – Coach Oliver “Buddy” Pough brings his Bulldog puppies down from the Carolinas and no one will mistake these South Carolina State boys with the Gamecocks after they see these pooches puddle up their pants by the end of the first half of this one.
New Aggie head coach Kevin Sumlin had his first win against SMU last week and he don’t aim to let these nobodies from nowhere stop his momentum as the Aggies start piling up some wins to take them into the bowl season.
So look for him to get those giggers gigging and in gear early and not be in a mood to take any puppies prisoners. The Aggies are gonna hold up their end of the SEC’s pride this season and it’s gonna keep going this week.
Larry’s Loser – South Carolina State
And that’s it for this week folks. We sure can’t do any worse than the four loss fiasco last week and old Bacardi the Wonder Dog and I think this is the week we start a hot streak.
We’ll see you back here next week for more of the losers you love unless it’s your team on the short end of that stick.
You must be logged in to post a comment Login