Larry’s Losers in the SEC – Week Seven
By : Larry Burton
My oh my! Bacardi the Wonder Dog and I were as glad to see last week end as Gene Chizik, Les Miles, Gary Pinkel and Mark Richt were. There were more broken dreams in this one week of SEC play than in all of Las Vegas last week and this coming week could have some folks sobbing at the end of games wondering just what happened to the dreams of grandeur they had just a week ago.
At this point in the season it’s fair to ask is Mark Richt’s Bulldogs are dressing up as Dr. Georgia/Mr. Hyde? They certainly have a split personality. The team that put so many points on the board all season didn’t show up for this game.
Gene Chizik is gonna make an ugly woman, but it’s obvious he’s going to the Halloween hoe down on the plains as Scarlott O’Hara, because he and Auburn both may be “Gone With the Wind” after a few more games like that last one.
And Les Miles will dress as John Lennon of the Beatles… I can just see him singing, “Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away, Now it looks as through they’re here to stay. Oh our offense has gone away!”
But you never know in the SEC. Today’s zeroes can be tomorrow’s heroes and both Miles and Richt are just one big win away from getting back to the top of the SEC. As for Chizik and Auburn, well, there’s always next season.
But let’s get started with the likely list of losers that will languish after this weekend.
Florida at Vanderbilt – Last week James Franklin showed the the Commodores from the country crooning capitol of the world can do a little song and dance of their own against SEC competition as they won their first conference contest. He’s thinking that this boost of confidence can help them a little as the Gators come to town.
But Will Muschamp and his Gator gang got a little confidence boost of their own last week in knocking off on of the SEC’s top dogs and he knows that it’s gonna take more than a little confidence for the Vandy boys to gig these gators.
With lots at stake for the Gators, there’s no way that they’ll overlook these singing sailors and be the upset of the week victim.
Larry’s loser – Vanderbilt
Georgia – Has the week off to lick their wounds or what ever else these pack of pooches care to lick.
Kentucky at Arkansas – The Kentucky Mildcats proved that once the cupcake schedule was over and the SEC began that the chances of them finding a victory was as remote as the duty on the Aleutian Islands, but they have hope they can catch a team down on their luck this season and snag an SEC win.
Last week it looked like the light went on with the Hogs and they remembered how to play football. With the talent they have it was just a question of time and by taking on the Mildcats, it should burn at least for another few weeks until they get tested by a feisty Ole Miss team.
By the end of the season we’ll see if Auburn can drop past Kentucky as the worst SEC team, but until then let’s just assume they are.
Larry’s loser – Kentucky
Alabama at Missouri – Missouri found out where the pecking order is the East and they now fall in behind Vanderbilt, who beat them last week. But the Midwest Missourians can take solace in the fact that there’s always Kentucky.
Alabama is taking their first trip to a new SEC team’s stadium and they will enjoy the fresh Midwest air, the cool crisp autumn days and the easy win they’ll have by playing a team that’s banged up and on the ropes in league play.
They say when your team plays Alabama you can get a good measure of where your team stacks up against perhaps the best team in college football. Bacardi I both think that measurement will be six feet under.
Larry’s loser – Missouri
South Carolina at LSU – The Gamecocks from the Carolina coop proved that they are the real deal by dissecting the Dogs from down Georgia way and they plan on whipping up on the same team that Florida flogged last week.
But Les Miles wants to prove that last week’s match up was just a mismanaged misstep and that such a site won’t be repeated this week. The Bayou Bengals just have to get the offense in gear, so Miles has been having them drink transmission fluid for a week now.
At the first of the season, I would have thought that you would have had to brain wash the Wonder Dog and me to get us to believe that the Chickens could cluck up LSU’s season, but now we don’t see how it can be avoided.
Larry’s loser – LSU
Tennessee at Mississippi State – Derek Dooley has these Vols lighting up the scoreboard this season and he brings his orange clad clan to Starkville to see if he can grab his first SEC win by running up the score on a bunch Bulldogs.
Meanwhile Mullen’s mutts have been scoring well themselves, but holding down the opponents score the way a junk yard dog holds on to a bone.
Can those Bulldogs hold on to those Vols shin bones and keep them from crossing the end zone more times than the Dogs can do it? That is the question. Look for a good game in this contest that could come down to the fourth quarter.
Larry’s loser – Tennessee
Auburn at Ole Miss – The two worst teams in the SEC West get together to decide once and for all who can claim the title of “Football Failure of the West”. Everyone expected Ole Miss to be this bad this season, but few expected the Auburnites to be such Warped Eagles.
Hugh Freeze has these Rebels in the right gear on offense, however, that Rebel defense is usually in the wrong zip code instead of where they need to be. So his plan is just to light up the scoreboard early and often and hope that Auburn can continue to be unable to keep up with teams that can score.
Kyle Frazier was supposed to be the next great Auburn star but he’s turned in to Kyle Fizzle and the Auburn offense seems to have a problem even running off the field after yet another three and out. The good news for Auburn fans is that Gene Chizik has a plan to fix this. The bad news is that it’s a Gene Chizik plan.
The outcome seems simple, but with teams this bad, it’s always easy to underestimate just how bad one of them can be on any given day. But logic says you go with the one with the hot hand.
Larry’s loser – Auburn
Texas A&M – Has the day off to rest up for a big game with LSU next weekend.
(Boy, that should get the message boards going) Actually They play at Louisiana Tech this weekend and should have their hands full trying to keep these Bulldogs on a leash, especially on offense.
Kevin Sumlin’s Aggie boys can put up points too and in the end the old adage that size matters will rear its head once again and the big boys in an SEC defense stop the fast slim boys from the little conference.
Larry’s loser – Louisiana Tech
And that’s it for this week folks. There’s gonna be some close ones that Old Bacardi and I will sweat out and others that we’ll just enjoy the beat down.
So get those snacks at the store today and settle in Saturday for the SEC’s best and busts this weekend. And if your team winds up on the list of losers, you might want to get a six pack of those cold adult refreshing beverages that somehow temporarily at least, help ease the pain of that problem.
Come back next week and let’s see how the week’s picks wind up and who might be on the next list. Till then, Old Bacardi the Wonder Dog will be studying the stats and picturing the pitiful that will make next weeks list.