Larry’s Losers in the SEC – Week 7 – 2013
By Larry Burton
Well folks, here I stand with my hat in my hand and my buddy Bacardi the Wonder Dog is looking pug pitiful too. Last week we missed two games and while others may brag about such success, this just humbled us. We didn’t see Missouri being able to vandalize Vanderbilt’s dreams of greatness and we sure didn’t think Auburn had progressed enough to beat Ole Miss, so this really shoots our average for the week. This is another week where some games could go either way, so all we can do is hope we finally have it right.
Here is the short week folks… With just seven contests on the slate this weekend, we know what a bad call can do for the averages. Six for seven is 85% and would drag down the average, so Bacardi and I baked up another batch of smart cookies to keep us on the straight path to perfection.
Tennessee has the week off and if anyone needs one, they do after the Georgia game and looking down the barrel at those Carolina Cluckers and playoff proven pachyderms.
Likewise Vanderbilt has the week off and with Richt’s bow wow brigade, Sumlin’s freakin’ farmers and Muschamp’s gaggle of Gators as the next three opponents, they’d better take a deep breath while they can.
And now off the week or warriors, woe and winners and of course the list of likely losers.
Missouri at Georgia – Here’s the first game at 11:00am (CST), of the weekend’s wars and Pinkel’s Pussycats are hoping they can catch this pack of pooches on a dog day afternoon and steal a win between the hedges that would become their signature SEC win in their short stay so far in the SEC.
But those Georgia growlers know how to defend their own yard and they’re looking long range at ambling back to Atlanta and aren’t about to let these tacky tabbycats turn the tables topsy turvy on their championship dreams. A lot of folks thin these badly banged up Bulldogs are ripe for a ripping, butiIf you’re looking for an upset win this weekend, keep looking.
Larry’s Loser – Missouri
South Carolina at Arkansas – They kick this thing off at 11:21 (CST) and don’t ask me why it’s such a weird time. Now Steve Spurrier brings those feathered footballers to a different barnyard with intentions of raiding the Pig pen in Fayetteville, Arkansas and bringing home the bacon.
But he’s soon going to find out that this isn’t an easy undertaking and that these beaked ballers could wind up all clucked up and lay an egg in this game if they aren’t careful. Bacardi says he almost smell an upset in this one and a dog’s nose is rarely wrong. It’s clear who the best team is, but home cooking keeps this one close.
Larry’s Loser – Arkansas
If you had to ask how he won the fight, you don’t know Gamecocks…
Western Carolina at Auburn – At 1:00pm Auburn takes on a school that’s as bad as any SEC team could dig up to play, the West Carolina Catamounts. They’re so unknown that few people even know what the heck a Catamount is! Just another small school that comes in for an SEC butt kicking and a big paycheck.
My how all SEC teams will miss these games when the big boys break away from the rest of division one. And for all you folks that write hate mail and say that I never pick the Tigers to do anything but lose, please take note this week. This is as sure a bet as an Auburn sorority girl on Formal weekend.
Larry’s Loser – Western Carolina
Florida at LSU – Starting at 1:30 the battle of the bayou begins as the Florida Gators try and invade the swamps in the bayous of LSU. Both teams have a loss they’d love to have a do over in and this game will determine who’s still elite and who’s prone to defeat.
Florida has one of the SEC’s best defenses and so far John Chavis ain’t trained his new Tabbies in that area so well. So while the Bayou Bengals can bang the scoreboard on offense, the question of this game is can they keep Florida from putting up more? This is one the old pigskin pickin’ pooch and I pondered over longer than any other pick and we’re split. This one was picked with the toss of a coin.
Larry’s Loser – Florida
The Gators were hoping to catch a Tiger by the tail, but not everything works out as you plan.
Alabama at Kentucky – Starting the night time games at 6:00 (CST), the SEC’s best takes on the SEC’s worst and the only question in this game is how much mercy Nick Saban will choose to show to a Stoops.
These Mildcats can’t hardly scratch their way out of wet paper bag, but it still might be a fun game to watch just to see if Alabama can keep the ball rolling offensively and not fall asleep as they have other times this season in blowout games. Our guess is that they’ll be picking Mildcat pieces out from between the tusked one’s toes for days after this game.
Larry’s Loser – Kentucky
It really says it all…
Bowling Green at Mississippi State – At 6:30, the fighting Falcons flap their feathers and fly South to Starkvegas to battle with the Bulldogs. Now the Bulldogs may be an SEC team that’s had some limited success, but these Falcons have razor sharp talons and even if they are from the MAC, they are a force of feathers to be reckoned with.
It won’t matter that Bowling Green is a better team than Mullen’s Mutts or that they have a better record, this loss with only heat the seat of Mullens even more. No MAC team is supposed to come into the SEC and leave with a win, but both little hairy partner and I think this is just what will happen.
Larry’s Loser – Mississippi State
When you win as few as Mississippi State does, it’s understandable to overdo it after any win.
Well that’s it for this week folks, while my hairy little buddy is off fetching my house shoes, let me thank you for attending another week of Larry’s Losers in the SEC.
Till next time, for Bacardi the Wonder Dog and me, have a great football weekend.
Larry is an award winning writer whose work has appeared in almost every college football venue. Now he primarily writes for Touchdown Alabama Magazine. This series of “Larry’s Losers” is a tribute to an old Southern favorite of my youth, “Leanord’s Losers”. Follow Larry on Twitter at https://twitter.com/LBSportswriter
