Larry’s Losers in the SEC – Week 10
By: Larry Burton
Well folks last week was doozie! There were so many good games going on that it was as close to football heaven as we can get on earth. As usual we missed one game, but that one game was one that we said could go either way and come down to one big play and that’s just what happened. LSU as we said in our prediction, is one tough Tiger when defending the home turf at night. So though we almost pulled the trigger for the Bayou Bengals, we just didn’t and therefore have to take the hit.
And this week has another slate of sizzling sessions that could be nail biters and each week it seems that the the SEC keeps determining the national landscape’s playoff partners. So without further ado, let’s just jump right in and starting with the early day games, list those losers who will leave their fans with tears in their eyes as they lose the big prize.
University of Louisiana at Monroe at Texas A&M – The Warhawks swoop into College Station and think they can dive in and get out with a win before these Texas tractor jocks know what’s happened.
These Aggies remind me of a line in a nursery rhyme, “We she was good was very very good and when she was bad she was awful.” So before you think of this as a creme puff game, if the Aggies are bad it could be a contest, but if they are good it could be butt hurt for the birdies.
So it will be worth an early Saturday look to see which team shows up and I think well all see early who showed up and who stayed home, but both the pigskin pickin’ pooch and I see the same winner no matter who shows up. Larry’s loser – UL Monroe
Florida at Georgia – The shameful Salamanders slide their boots to be buttocks to the Bulldogs backyard and try and reclaim a little fame and shed some shame by taking down a top ten team and in the process, save a coach with a seat as hot as cannon shot.
But these Bulldogs aren’t about to get buried like yesterday’s bone, especially by this gutless gaggle of Gators and they intend to pile and style up the points in order to move up the charts and win them some hearts… of the voters that is.
And that’s just what we expect to happen this week as the Swamp lizards lose another game and more than likely their coach as well. Larry’s loser – Florida
Kentucky at Missouri – The Kentucky Kitties come clawing across the country to Mizzou land to take on the Tabbies from the Midwest and this year, they come loaded for bear.
Now these Mizzou mad Kitties have shown us that they can run with the big dogs, but this season hasn’t been their best and they’d like to make a statement that some upstart Siamese isn’t going to make them look them bad in their own litter box.
But here’s the upset that the bug usually bites us one and this week we bite first and pick the Kentucky clan to claw past the Midwest meowers no matter what the boys in Vegas think. Larry’s loser – Missouri
Auburn at Ole Miss – The War Eagles fly into Mississippi and hope to build some nests in the trees in the Grove on Friday and claim the stadium turf on Saturday.
But these Rebels have kept the powder dry and enough leaves have fallen to get their sights on these birds as soon as they light on the limbs even if it is close to sundown when this one gets going.
Auburn is a team who usually needs a good miracle when the going gets tough to pull out the big ones but this week we feel the genie will be on break when the Tigers start rubbin’ that lamp again. In our second upset pick of the week, Larry’s loser – Auburn
Old Dominion at Vanderbilt – Riding down the freeway last night I saw several Old Dominion trucks on the road and if the football team could get a few of those to serve as linemen, they might have a chance in this contest.
Vanderbilt is playing like a blind hog this season but the old expression is true once again this week and even a worst blind hog finds an acorn every once in a while.
And this week is the week that they finally find another acorn. Larry’s loser – Old Dominion
Arkansas at Mississippi State – Speaking of blind Hogs, Arkansas is so wanting to break into the win column in the SEC and this week they try their luck against the best team in the land and that’s not a good thing to try.
But coach Dandy Dan Mullens knows that though they’re winless, these Hogs can harm you if you let your guard down. I’ll bet blood ran cold when he watched the Alabama tape and saw how they handled Alabama most of the day.
The boys in Vegas see an easy win for those Bulldog bullies, but we think the Hogs will hold their own in this one, even if all they have to show for it is yet another moral victory. Larry’s loser – Arkansas
Tennessee at South Carolina – Just like Arkansas, Tennessee wants in to the win column in the SEC so bad they can taste it, but so far this season, these Volunteers have just come up that rotten tomato taste.
These Carolina Cluckers have been the briar in our behind all season by losing when they shouldn’t and winning when they couldn’t. But they have some maddening moonlight and a Carolina crowd to cheer these conquesting crowers and the Old Ball Coach will try and school a young SEC puppy.
There’s so many similarities between Arkansas and Tennessee, both losers in the SEC, but capable of taking down a big boy if you didn’t bring your A game. We’re tempted to go for the upset, with us already going for two, we just feel three times is not the charm for this week. Larry’s loser – Tennessee
Well that’s it for this week folks. We hope we picked the spots where the upset bug bites this week, but if we’ve learned anything this season, it’s that nothing is for sure and nothing comes easy.
So make a grocery run and stock up on your tailgating and television delights for whichever venue you decide to do. And if you team is on the losers list then making a run to the liquor store might be in order too to help the pain from defeat’s big stain. And when I say to drink responsibly, I don’t mean make sure you don’t spill any.
So till next week Bacardi the Wonder Dog wants you to know that he lobbied hard the other way in the Ole Miss / Auburn contest and picked Ole Miss to lose, but since I won the coin toss we went my way. However I did console him with nice bone, I think it was one that left on the field after the Alabama / Texas A&M game. Happy Halloween and may you know where all your bones are.
Larry’s Losers in the SEC has been irreverently having fun with the games of the SEC for more than 10 years. Pardon the colloquial language in irreverent humor of the column as it is meant in a non insulting way to the losers or other participants. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column, but some feelings might have been hurt along the way.