Larry’s Losers in the SEC- Week 10-2016

By: Larry Burton

Darn it all, having two losses outta six games really drags the average down, but darn it all, neither the pigskin pickin’ pooch or I saw the Vols being vanquished by the Col. Sanders Cluckers. At least I should’ve listened to my flea bitten but not flea brained partner when he warned me that every time I have faith in Missouri, they let me down. But that’s water under the bridge, spilled milk and all that kinda hyperboli.

The four wins we did get brought up to 62 wins for the season, but the two losses also brought us up from 13 to 15, so for the season, we’re standing fast with just over an 80 average and causing us to need to step up the pace to stay on the honor roll of this year’s predictions.

So let’s get on with this week’s warriors and list the losers that’s likely to be laughable. This week we have some sure fire picks courtesy of cupcake contenders and several that are gonna make us finish off our fingernails. Now hold on to your seat and let’s start this wild ride through SEC country.

Georgia Southern at Ole Miss – At an hour before noontime, the Southern Eagles flap in Oxford to try and take on a beleagured bunch of Rebels in hopes that they can hit ’em while they’re down and come out with a win against an SEC opponent.

Coach Freeze is trying to unthaw these sadsack soldiers who seem to freeze up toward the end of every game and finish on a high note. He’d also like to wind up with enough wins to avoid the Hemorrhoid Creme Bowl this post season and this one counts just as much as a big opponent in that regard.

Yes, the Rebels are doing their end of season slide down the polls as they do every year, but they have enough pride and gas in the tank to give these feathered footballers a good plucking. Larry’s loser – Georgia Southern

Texas A&M at Mississippi State – With just one loss in the SEC, the Aggie boys take the tractors East to battle with the Bulldogs of Mississippi persuasion. This one kicks off at 11am too and these Aggies don’t  mind planting things in the noontime heat and planting Bulldogs is no different.

Now Mullen’s Mutt’s aim to put up a fight here on the home turf and he’s hoping this Texas tribe is overlooking his band of bow wows and looking ahead to the other team in Mississippi that might muddy up the waters in the SEC dreams.

But Coach Kevin knows you don’t look ahead in the SEC and he’s gonna have his collie loving clan put a cleat or two up the rear of these Bulldogs and then move on to the next one on the schedule and that won’t be good news for this pack of pooches. Larry’s loser –  Mississippi State

Vanderbilt at Auburn – The Captain Crunch Bunch sails their salvaged ship down to the plains this weekend for the last of the 11am kickoff times and they plan on upsetting another SEC team with their anchors down your throat defense.

But Coach Gus has these worn Eagles flying a little higher this season and he ain’t about to let no SEC East weak sister come into his Tiger den and steal a win from his plain’s Pussycats.

Though they’re a big favorite in this game, Bacardi tells me his hair is standing up on this one and it’s gonna be a tougher game than most think, but in the end, the result will be as figured all along. Larry’s loser – Vanderbilt

Florida at Arkansas – McElwain’s Mud Puppies start off the afternoon slate with a 2:30 kickoff as the slip and slide in the slop in the Hog Pen in Arkansas this Saturday.

Now these gobbling Gators have been eating up teams lately, so they’re bringing the barbeque sauce and lots of charcoal and plan of pigging out on these pitiful piggies.

Arkansas is a better team than their record, but moral victories won’t get you to a bowl game and if they don’t get hot soon, this little Piggy will be the one that had none. Larry’s loser – Arkansas

Missouri at South Carolina – The “Show Me State” Siamese take their cat show on the road this weekend and at 3pm start the second of the afternoon SEC slate.

These Carolina Cluckers pulled off a pluckin’ of their own last week at the vanquished the Vols SEC dreams as we all watched the Pullets pull out a win over a heavily favored team.

Now while these Tigers of Missouri didn’t plan on coming all this way for a loss, they just a happened to hit a bad team on rise and while a Tiger ought to win over a Chicken any day, it won’t be this fowl who’ll wind up getting all plucked up. Larry’s loser – Missouri

Tennessee Tech at Tennessee – in the last of afternoon games, the Golden Eagles from Cooksville bring their covey to Knoxville to visit their down the freeway big brothers in the big Volunteer arena.

In case you didn’t know, Cooksville is that spec of land about halfway from Knoxville to Nashville and while they’d love to be the Tennessee champions this football season, they’ll just be happy to take their check and leave by sundown.

After three straight losses the only bricks we find are the ones getting ready to go through Coach Butch’s windows. We looked and just couldn’t find any of those bricks he’s claimed to have laid, but this week at least he’ll give the fans what they want and spare his windows for another day. Larry’s loser – Tennessee Tech

Georgia at Kentucky – To start off the night, at 6:30, Kirby’s kennel comes a calling on the Kentucky Kitties cat house in another Dog vs Cat contest.

At 5-3, these Wildcats have made a surprising start in the SEC and have surpassed anybody’s strategy on how the SEC East was going to fall and they plan on messing it up a little more by beating a Bulldog when it’s down and notching a bowl appearance sixth win this Saturday.

But as my old buddy Lee Corso so often says, “Not so fast my friend”. These dogs may be down, but there’s pride in the pack of pooches and something tells me that this is the day they get going again and send these Kitties crying. Larry’s loser – Kentucky

 

Alabama at LSU – The prime time affair stats at seven as the pack of Pachyderms take the circus on the road to Bayou Bengal territory in a game where the territorial Tigers have been talking trash for a few weeks now.

Now interim coach O knows that ain’t usually a good thing to do to the Tide, you really don’t want to give them even more reasons to stomp and stamped these striped Siamese. But he figures he might as well get his boys fired up and then take his chances over shushing them up and risk taking the fire out of the bellies.

But Saban’s boys don’t care what’s said in the locker room, they do their talking on the field and they walk kinda quiet but with a really big stick and once they get to swinging it, it’ll be trouble for the Tigers. Larry’s loser – LSU

Well, that’s it for this week folks! I’m in St. Augustine, Florida this week, but the pooch and I have thoroughly tabulated all these games before I left, so we’re sure we got these right. However, this is the SEC, so before you bet the house, remember we’re just at a B rating right now, not an A. Just remember, the folks in Lost Wages have the big houses, not you and I.

So enjoy the games and we’ll see you back here next week. Now dog, I told you that you didn’t need sunscreen with all that fur, now get off that couch or we’ll lose our security deposit on this condo!

LARRY HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS AND NOW PRIMARILY WRITES HERE FOR TOUCHDOWN ALABAMA. HE WRITES IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND GAME TIME COMMENTS AT HTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER

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