Larry’s Losers in the SEC – Week 8 -2017
By: Larry Burton
Well folks, after this week, if you want a summary of how the pigskin pickin’ pooch and I are feeling, this would sum it up very well.
Once again, the total unpredictable nature of LSU football did us in for the third week in a row, but what’s worse are the other upsets we didn’t see coming. We thought Vandy had enough firepower to finally put the Ole Miss Rebs out of their misery and that didn’t happen either. Lastly, Texas A&M found enough inside that troubled program to beat the Gators who were more worried about sporting new uniforms than in coming up with a good game plan.
Now this week there’s good and bad news, this is the fewest number of games we have to pick all season with five games on the slate. So while that makes for a shorter article, it also means just one loss means you only get a total of 80% right and miss two and now you’re down to 60%. So if we’re going to have a perfect week, this had better be it.
With the season now officially more than half over, we’re sitting at 50-15. While that’s still better than any of the big money media pickers, it’s not up to our high standards, so if LSU will just cooperate with us for one lousy week, we’ll be OK. So with that in mind, here we go.
Idaho at Missouri – The potato packing players come down from Idaho with spray cans galore and intend to Vandalize the Tiger’s residence in Midwestern Missouri.
But this is close to a cupcake game, even for the miserable Missourian’s who have been stinking up the season with poor play when it counted.
However this week, since it hardly counts, they’ll do just fine and that makes Larry’s loser – Idaho Vandals
Tennessee at Alabama – The Vols take what’s left of their pride and parade into the Pachyderm’s playground in Tuscaloosa and hope to make a statement that they’re not as crappy as everyone seems to think they are.
Some idiots seemed to think these Hardknoxville hooligans had the chops to win the SEC East this season and now it’s beginning to look unlikely that they’ll make a bowl game and keep their coach.
I’d like to say they have a chance, so Bacardi the Wonder Dog officially gives them a 1% chance of winning out of courtesy to Old Smokey being a fellow dog and all, but in any case, that makes Larry’s loser – Tennessee
Smokey farted, fainted and fell dead after watching how pitiful his Vols played on Saturday.
Kentucky at Mississippi State – In what could be the only game to cause some head scratching, the Kentucky Kitties come a calling on Mullen’s Mutts down in Starkvegas and it’s an East vs West war.
Now the betting boys out in Western desert say that that this is supposed to be 10 or so point win for the Doggies, the pigskin pickin’ pooch and I know that this could be the upset bug special that we could easily miss if the Mildcats turn wild early on and get momentum on their side.
But we’re thinking that even if it’s closer than the spread the casino cousins think, that every dog has his day and this week it’s the Bulldog’s. Larry’s loser – Kentucky
Fortunately for Kentucky fans, it’s almost basketball season.
LSU at Ole Miss – The unpredictable Bengals with the unintelligible coach travel up to the Grove to take on what ever Ole Miss is calling themselves this weekend.
Now LSU is supposed to win this game by all that is logical and holy, but since we’ve had the pooch screwed three times in a row by these Cajun Kitties, we’re tempted to go opposite of all logic and that will make it work out.
But that’s not us, we’re going by what all our man on man matchups tell us will win the day and if that plays out as it should, then that will make Larry’s loser – Ole Miss
Fortunately, LSU found their AAA card in time for the Ole Miss game.
Auburn at Arkansas – Though the Gus Bus had a flat last week, with a spare in place they roll into the Hog pen this week in Arkansas and hope that the week goes as planned.
Last week these little Piggies had none, as the nursery rhyme goes, and they were simply slaughtered by the nation’s best. So this week, they’re hoping that Auburn simply overlooks what looks like the SEC’s worst team in the west.
But after the embarrassment of losing a contest last week that they were supposed win, these Tiggers have a chip on their shoulder and they’re going to pummel the Pigs at least as bad as Bama did to prove they’re not so sucky after all. Larry’s loser – Arkansas
This isn’t the kind of trick or treat that these Hogs wanted.
Well that’s it for this week folks. Stack in your snacks, get you game face on and start planning or the parade of football games for this Saturday. We know you’ll love picking against us and lately, that hasn’t been a big hill to climb.
So till next week enjoy it all ‘cuz it’s all over, all too soon.
LARRY HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS AND NOW PRIMARILY WRITES HERE FOR TOUCHDOWN ALABAMA. HE WRITES IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND GAME TIME COMMENTS AT HTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER