Larry’s Losers in the SEC – Week 9 – 2013

By Larry Burton

Well folk is sad to think that this week is the week that three fourths of the regular season will be in the books. With so few games left, you better savor every one.

But what’s even sadder is the record we put up last week. This was the all time low for Larry’s losers in the SEC. Never before have we posted a record so plain plumb pitiful. There were more upsets last weekend than any time in SEC history and though we did say the Tennessee game was one to watch, that the Florida game could go either way and knew there so many games that could go either way, we went with the wrong losers in most of them. I guess that’s what packing for vacation will do to you.

So this week, the pigskin picking pug emailed me his picks and there’s only one we disagree on and you’ll just have to guess which one this is. So from sunny Tobago, off the coast of Southern Venezuela, here is this week’s picks.

Kentucky at Mississippi State – In a rare Thursday night game starting at 6:30pm (all times CST), Mark Stoops continues his “Please God Let Me Win an SEC Game” tour and this week it arrives in Oxford where he hopes his Mildcats can finally turn into Wildcats.

But Mississippi State coach Dan Mullins is gonna try and not join that particular tour and realizes that his best chance to stay off that agenda is to pummel these pussycats and send ’em back to the bluegrass country with their tails between their legs. Folks, this is the battle of bads in the SEC and it could be entertaining to see who can punch through the others wet paper bag. Creme may rise to the top, but we all know what settles on the bottom of the septic tank.

Larry’s Loser – Kentucky

Vanderbilt at Texas A&M – Starting at that funny 10:21am time slot, the Song City Sailors sail on down to College Station to see if they can sink the Aggies dreams of sneaking into the SEC Championship Game.

But the farm foreman down in Aggie country isn’t about to let that happen and he’s ordering up a double dose Johnny Football on these sad sack sailor boys and when it’s all over the Commodores will be walking home after the Aggies sink their ship of hopes and dreams of winning here.

Larry’s Loser – Vanderbilt

Tennessee at Alabama – Starting at 2:00pm, the boys from Hardknoxville travel to Tuscaloosa to try and trip the Tide and shake their pride and if the Bama boys aren’t careful, they could be carted off the field  like so many Bulldogs were. Yes, the Vols come to play even if the scoreboard doesn’t show it.

And so far, head coach Nick Saban has managed to keep his party of pachyderms off the stretchers and out of the losing column. But this is after all, the third Saturday in October, even if it really is the fourth, and that means records don’t mean much and it’s all about the forbidden cigars in the end and this year, the Vols can leave their lighters at home.

Larry’s Loser – Tennessee

Furman at LSU – Begin the many night games on the schedule, this one at 600pm and the Paladins come down to the bayou to battle the Bengals. Now be honest, how many of you even know what a Paladin is?

Now Les Miles still has his sites set on an SEC Championship, and he plays tougher men than this when they practice against the scout team, so this is game has ugly all over it. By the end of this one, even Furman won’t remember what a Paladin is.

Larry’s Loser – Furman

South Carolina at Missouri – Another 6:00pm games finds the Carolina Cluckers looking clueless, still hunting and pecking for a way to get back to the SEC championship game and these miraculous Missourians are a big obstacle in the way of these plans. But head of the hen house, old Steve Spurrier is hoping to catch the Cats still missing their starting slinger and the backup is due for a bad game.

But Pinkel’s Pussycats have a backup they can believe in and they’re hoping to pluck the cluckers by jumping on them early and often and taking them out of playing the game as they like. These bunch of Tigers could cause these Gamecocks to lay an egg if they aren’t careful and the prognosticating pug and I have already been burned by not believing in these terrible Tigers. But in the end, the team with the big peckers get beat out the team with the most claws.

Larry’s Loser – South Carolina

 

Florida Atlantic at Auburn – At 6:30pm, it becomes apparent that after last season, the people at Auburn wanted to make sure they had at least a good shot to win six games and make a bowl and a win won’t come any easier than this and the Owls from FAU prove that all Owls aren’t smart or for that matter, athletic.

Yes, we’ve made fun of Gus so far this season and last week they showed they are a team to be reckoned with. They have more than doubled the wins from last year and the wins against Ole Miss and the Aggies prove these Tigers can tussle with some good teams and come out on top. In this game Las Vegas has it 2 to 1 that at least one cheerleader gets to score in this game and mad man Malzahn empties the bench and most of the Auburn band brass section in this one.

Larry’s Loser – FAU

Idaho at Ole Miss – In the other let’s make fun of the opponent game at 6:30pm, the Vandals come to Oxford, spray cans in hand, hoping to at least raise a little ruckus before being taken out behind the Grove and treated like the Vandals they are.

After a hot start, these Rebels looked like a sure lock for post season play, but the last four games have dampened their dreams more than just a little. At least after this one they’ll get to four and out of six and still be in the running.

Larry’s Loser – Idaho

And that’s it for this week folks. I’m sending this one in while on Vacation with the Mrs. in Tobago, a little island off the coast of Southern Venezuela.  And Bacardi the Wonder Dog, after sending me his picks by phone, is entertaining the house sitter’s dog out at the Tiki Bar. Darn, I hope his date’s been spayed, I don’t need a pack of partial pug puppies pirating more bed space, he snores enough for a whole litter himself.

So till next week, when the wife finally lets me get back to work in earnest, have a great weekend and watch all the football you can. Darn, I hope that pooch remembered to set the DVR.

Larry is an award winning writer whose work has appeared in almost every college football venue. Now he primarily writes for Touchdown Alabama Magazine. This series of “Larry’s Losers” is a tribute to an old Southern favorite of my youth, “Leanord’s Losers”. Follow Larry on Twitter at https://twitter.com/LBSportswriter