Larry’s Losers in the SEC – Rivalry Week – 2013
By Larry Burton
Well folks, what can I say? Missouri caused me more misery, as usual, and you can stick a fork in those Floridian flubbers in Gator skinned uniforms. So while I’ve come to expect to be wrong with Missouri, whether I pick them to win or lose, I still can’t believe that the Gators, even with their second string, couldn’t beat a non division one foe, so while you’re stickin’ forks in the Gators, stick one in head coach Will Muschamp, he could be done too.
The pigskin picking pooch is pawing through publications to perfect his prognosticating skills while prancing in the warmth and sunshine of Ft. Lauderdale, but we’ll be back at the football forcast center by game time to determine the damage.
So without further ado, let’s see if we can get back to perfection with this pack of picks.
Ole Miss at Mississippi State – This is the 6:30 pm (all times CST) turkey day trauma for one of these teams who winds up on the loser’s list especially for Mullen’s Mutts. If they win the game, they also get to pack up and go to bowl season, but it’s a long cold winter at home with a loss.
But the head coach of the Rebels don’t mind putting a freeze on the Bulldog’s bowl dreams and he’s aiming up at a higher bowl with a win over these beleaguered Bulldogs.
This is gonna be a great game and really, we could see it going both ways, but in the end the creme usually rising to the top and the other team winds up on Larry’s Losers list.
Larry’s Loser – Mississippi State
This was not the season that any team in Mississippi had hoped for.
Arkansas at LSU – What a wonderful way to end the regular season in the SEC with a whole long weekend full of football and on Friday at 1:30 pm, Bielema’s pigskin parade will march in the Tiger Stadium with hopes of taming the Tigers on Turkey Day week and having something to build on in the off season while they’re watching the good teams go bowling.
But Les has a few more Miles to go before hanging up his season and he’s not letting the Pigs make a mess of his regular season ending game. When this game is over the Tigers may replace their turkey leftovers with fresh pork barbeque.
Larry’s Loser – Arkansas
It hasn’t been the kind of year the Hogs wanted to have and it won’t get better today.
Florida at Florida State – Why try and be cute with this one? Florida State is going to beat those Lizards so bad their children will born with bags over their heads. The Gators may lose both the game and their coach if the blowout is as bad as I think it could be. (Saturday’s first game at 11:00am)
Larry’s Loser – In a blowout – Florida
Wake Forest at Vanderbilt – At the ever irritating time of 11:21 am, the the Demon Deacons of Wake Forest come to Song City, Tennessee to try and sink the sailors and people in hell want ice water too.
Larry’s Loser – In another blowout – Wake Forest
Alabama at Auburn – In the first of the afternoon games, this one at 2:30 pm, the tribe of tusked Tuscaloosans travel into Auburn with trumpeting tusks aiming to trample the Tigers.
But those on the Gus bus think that this is the year that they can drive it down the throats of those proud pachyderms and make a move toward the top of the heap, not only in the SEC, but the BCS too.
But Crimson Tide will flatten the tires on the Gus bus as well as the delusions of the War Eagle faithful that they’re on the same plateau as the pachyderms.
Larry’s Loser – Auburn
It was all fun until Alabama tore the wheels off.
Tennessee at Kentucky – At 6:00pm people and start wondering why they haven’t euthanized these Mildcats rather than submit them to more heartache and pain. As the Kentucky Kitty fans say during each weekend, “Hey, we’re one week closer to basketball season!” And somewhere Joker Phillips is saying, “And they fired me to get this?”
Larry’s Loser – Kentucky
Clemson at South Carolina – Also at 6:00 pm, now this is a game worth watching as Dabo’s Tabby’s claw their way into the Chicken’s coop in hopes of tossing those turkey left overs out with the trash and replacing them with some prized Pullets.
Now this is going to be a dandy one folks and it could easily go either way, but the Pug and I both feel that defense wins big games and Clemson’s been looking for one of those all year. So when the clock’s over, so are the Clemson Kitties dreams of a top 5 finish.
Larry’s Loser – Clemson
The boys with the most pecker power tame the Tigers.
Texas A&M at Missouri – What a great game to end the regular season in the SEC, as the two newcomers duke it out in Missouri. Not only is it a great game, but will mean the SEC East title for the Missouri mouse catchers.
Johnny football signer will signal his last call for the Aggies against an SEC foe before he scrambles off for the NFL and he’s hoping to end his SEC days on a high note and get the bad taste out of their mouth from the beat down the other SEC Tigers put on them last week.
But the Tigers are enjoying being the SEC’s surprise guys this season and they don’t want to miss the chance to claim an SEC Division Championship in just their second season and flaunt it the faces of the people who said, “Why did the SEC pick Missouri? They’ll never be competitive?”
Larry’s Loser – Texas A&M
Ok my old pooch pal, let’s pack up and head back to our own beach and restaurants that serve sweet tea and get ready for a sizzling Saturday and leave Lauderdale to all these transplanted northerners.
Larry is an award winning writer whose work has appeared in almost every college football venue. Now he primarily writes for Touchdown Alabama Magazine. This series of “Larry’s Losers” is a tribute to an old Southern favorite of my youth, “Leanord’s Losers”. Follow Larry on Twitter at https://twitter.com/LBSportswriter
