Larry’s Losers In The SEC – Rivalry Week – Week 14

By: Larry Burton

Well folks, all I can say is my oh my how time does fly! Here we are at the end of the regular season road and it just seems like yesterday that we were all excited with visions of playing in the SEC Championship dancing through our heads, but with the final week upon us, only four teams still have that dream alive.

And the sadness that comes with this last week is only tempered by the sweet slate of games that we get to see. What a week of wonderful war and for some, a week of woe.

This has been a season where the upset bugs were plentiful than bedbugs in a five dollar hotel and while there were game that nobody got right, it sure hurt us that we didn’t hit more of them. This is the very first year in all the years we’ve been doing Larry’s Losers in the SEC that we didn’t have even one perfect week. We had one season when we only missed 5 games all year long.

But even while we took our lumps, we still hit more than most of the so called experts. Even so, we thank all the thousands of folks who have followed us all season long and for all these years. It’s been a long season and we’re taking some time off. Bacardi is already in Ft. Lauderdale with me where he’ll hold down the Southern fort with my son and his sweetie while me and the Mrs. amble off the Australia and New Zealand, but we’ll be in communication for the SEC Championship and bowl games to come and we’ll be back in time for the National Championship Playoffs. So never fret, we’ll keep picking losers to very bitter end.

So let’s just jump right in and in order of kickoff, list the losers and make you laugh.

LSU at Texas A&M- In a Thursday night throw down, Les Miles puts more miles on the team bus as the Bayou Bengals head to the wide open West to take  on the Texan cousins in the SEC and he’s hoping he’ll have them hollering once the whistle blows and the biting and scratching commence.

But Kevin Sumlin ain’t about to let this bunch overgrown swamp Siamese kitties come in to his home turf and aggravate his Aggies and upset their season and big bowl hopes and he aims to tame those Tabbies real quick.

While both these teams have the same 7-4 record and both are on a cold streak, one has at least been a little hotter than the other and when in doubt, go with the hot streak and the home team. Larry’s loser – LSU

Arkansas at Missouri – The red hot Hogs hoof on up to Missouri to try and end the regular season on a real high note and cementing themselves as a team to watch next season as well bringing them a better bowl bid.

But Missouri knows a little something about coming into a game on a hot streak after throttling the Volunteers last week and ending the Tennessee tribe’s hot streak. Plus they’re also trying to tangle with the Tide or whoever in Atlanta for the SEC trophy and they know that a slip up here puts them in dire straights and out of the SEC championship.

As of Sunday night, the boys in Las Vegas are as scared of this game as the pigskin pickin’ pug and I are and this is the only SEC game they didn’t have a line for yet. But now the betting boys are leaning Arkansas by 3.5. We think this one could go either way too, but when in doubt, go with the home team and the one with the most to lose and in both cases, we know who that is. Larry’s Loser – Arkansas

South Carolina at Clemson – Steve Spurrier brings his spurred ones over to Clemson and hopes to spur and peck those pesky pussycats and end a frustrating regular season off in style.

But Dabo’s Clemson Cat show is hoping to break this five game losing streak against these cross state Cluckers and they know that a win here will land them a better bowl and maybe land them a ten win season.

After a lengthy discussion and a dog gone debate, the pug is wanting to side with the Clemson Cats just like the Vegas boys, but in my mind, there’s a reason the Carolina Cluckers have won the last five contests against the cat box customers and there’s a reason that the SEC usually wins out against the ACC and that’s the way we’re headed. Larry’s loser – Clemson

Georgia Tech at Georgia – The Yellow Jackets come buzzing down to Athens with their stingers sharpened and hope to swarm the Bulldogs and take the state bragging rights as well as helping the cause for the ACC’s reputation.

But these Bulldogs know how to finish wrecking this rambling wreck of Georgia Tech and that’s what they’ll do once the crashing starts.

But even though Mark’s Mutt’s have their heart in this game, they’re really going to be at least as concerned over the Missouri and Arkansas game the night before, as a Pig pounding will result in a trip to Hotlanta for these pooches and while we don’t know yet if that will happen, we do know they’ll take care of their own business here. Larry’s loser – Georgia Tech

Kentucky at Louisville – The catatonic Cats from Kentucky come calling across state in Louisville and hope to win a state title and keep the flag of the SEC flying high.

These Cardinals are flying high while the Kentucky Kitties are skidding faster that a sports car with bald tires on an icy Kentucky road and the Red Bird aim to make sure those Wildcats just slide off the cliff in this one too.

And that’s just what will happen in this one as the Cats that looked so wild at the first of the season turned so mild here at the end. Larry’s loser – Kentucky

Florida at Florida State – In his last roundup as the reptile ringleader, Wil Muschamp gathers his Gators in Doak Campbell Stadium and intends on going out a winner against the cross state rivals.

But the head Indian of this Seminole clan, Chief Fisher, has other ideas and he aims to notch a win against an SEC team and help cement their spot in the playoffs.

But you can only live on the edge so long until you fall off and that’s what happens this weekend when the Seminoles habit of not dominating lesser opponents come back to bite them and the Seminoles fall far out of the hunt after this one. Larry’s loser – Florida State

Mississippi State vs Ole Miss – Mullen’s Mutts muddle over to Oxford to mix it up with their Mississippi brethren and are going to be playing with hopes of still saving their SEC championship dreams if they take care of business and the Tide goes out.

Meanwhile Ole Miss has been slipping in the win department against SEC teams, but old Coach Freeze thinks he knows a thing or two about navigating slippery roads and he thinks he guide these Rebels through this problem game with just a few scratches.

Now the boys in Vegas see this as a super close game, but old Bacardi the Wonder Dog and I both don’t see any way this one won’t be a Bulldog blowout win and that’s our story and we’re sticking to it. Larry’s loser – Ole Miss

Tennessee at Vanderbilt – The Vols travel West to visit their little sibling Sailors and hope to end the regular season on a high note by sinking their skiff and skipping back to Hardknocksville with visions of bowl games ahead in their future.

And while these Song City Sailors know that even if they pull off a miracle win here, that they only place they’re going this holiday season is home to Mama’s to watch the bowl games on TV. But still, they’d like to bash their brother’s dreams and end on a high note themselves.

But those wishes in one hand and a sack of doggie droppings in the other just about equal out for the Commodores as big brother delivers the bashing we all know is coming. Larry’s loser – Vanderbilt

 

Auburn at Alabama – These Tigers want to break tradition. Auburn usuallyfollows up one good season with a flop. They’ve only had one back to back 10 win season in their entire history. So nothing would be nicer for them to accomplish this by beating Alabama and winning a bowl game to both break that streak and ruin their big rivals dreams.

Meanwhile, Alabama has gone back to back 10 or more win 12 times including every year since 2008 under Saban’s schooling, so they’re planning on teaching their little brother another lesson in humility and going on to yet another SEC championship game and national title game.

You didn’t have to have a A in history to see the trend in this one and the only thing to wonder is how badly this pack of pachyderms pounds the Pussycats. In the past 50 years Auburn has beaten Alabama by more than 10 points once while the Tide has trampled Auburn by that margin or more 14 times, so you should see a real beat down in T-town in this one. Larry’s loser – Auburn

Well that’s it not only for this week, the best week of college football there is, but for the regular season as well. My oh my, how time does fly! But old Bacardi the Wonder Dog and I will be back for three more treats for you all, the SEC Championship loser and early bowl losers and late bowl losers.

So till then load up on some fantastic  football feast favorites and hunker down to watch noontime to nighttime fun time football as a week just don’t get much better than this and you don’t want to have to miss a minute.

So enjoy it all and even if your team is on this losing list, know that it’s still worth the watching because even a bad day of football beats the best day of work.

 Larry’s Losers in the SEC has been irreverently having fun with the games of the SEC for more than 10 years. Pardon the colloquial language and irreverent humor of the column as it is meant in a non insulting way to the losers or other participants. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column, but some feelings might have been hurt along the way.