Larry’s Losers in the SEC – Week Five
By: Larry Burton
Well folks, this week we were back to playing bogie golf with a one loss weekend, and who would have thought that the Arkansas Hogs could sink so low as to lose to Rutgers. Bacardi and I still can’t get over that one. But after two weeks of pitiful prognostication, we’ll take that one loss weekend and smile that it got our overall score back up to 36-10 or a 73% average. We’ve never had a season under 85% and this may just be the year that we have our Waterloo and end a season in the mediocre range.
So to keep that from happening, the pigskin picking pooch and I have baked up the most smart cookies we’ve ever done in a week and we’re hoping that despite some tough games, a perfect week is within our grasp.
With that in mind, let’s just jump right in.
Starting in the East
Florida Gators – Not that these gifted Gators need a rest after chomping Kentucky Kitties, but they’ll get one anyway this week.
Tennessee at Georgia – Down in Georgia, Mark’s Mutts have really starting growing on Bacardi and I and we now have faith that this bunch of Bulldogs may just bully their way back to Atlanta this season. After the the beat downs that they put on Vanderbilt and Missouri, these dogs seem more than ready to take on any SEC foe from the East.
Derek Dooley’s Volunteers are a better team than they were last year, but a season ending 7-5 record may not reflect that. If the fans in Orange can just keep their optimism in perspective, they may just wind up with a contender in another year or two.
But this ain’t that year and the Dogs from red clay country are claiming it this year.
Larry’s loser – Tennessee
South Carolina at Kentucky – Last week Kentucky showed just how far they’ve fallen from the Rich Brooks glory days and it’s getting more and more obvious that Joker Phillips’ days could be numbered. It’s not that Kentucky fans ever believed that they would rule the SEC in football, but they don’t like losing this badly.
Meanwhile, Spurrier’s grandiose Gamecocks are just hitting their stride as the Old Ball Coach finally has the talent around him to make his own run for an SEC Championship appearance. It’s taken a while for the talent pool in Columbia to get deep, but now that it has, these pullets can drown opponents in it while pecking their noggins on the way down.
That’ll be the case this weekend as the haves meet the have nots as the Kentucky Kitties clearly don’t have a chance or a clue.
Larry’s losers – Kentucky
Missouri at the University of Central Florida – These Tigers have found that their foray into the SEC may have been a lot more than they could chew in their first season and they’re kind of glad to be going down to Orlando for what they think might be a little R and R. But the Knights of UCF are gonna make sure that they don’t feel like going out see Mickey and Minnie or get splashed by Shamu after this game.
They plan on a little Island of Adventure of their own, but not of the Universal Studios variety, but the adventure that’ll go on inside the Knight’s stadium. They’re hoping to catch the Tigers still catching their breath from that tough SEC schedule and get a win of their own.
But in the end, the Tigers will prove they’re worth of their new SEC membership by holding up their end of the out of conference wins and while this might not end up being the most pleasant of Orlando trips, it could be the most productive.
Larry’s loser – UCF
Vanderbilt – After a rough start of the season, the Commodores get a break this week and a rest before tussling with the Tiger’s from Missouri.
And now for the not so best of the West
Ole Miss at Alabama – Head coach Hugh Freeze brings the Rebels over to Crimson country to use this game as a measuring stick to see how far his boys have improved from last season. The only problem is where he might find that stick after tussling with the tusked ones in Tuscaloosa.
Now I’m sure that even though the Tide will win by 40 or so, that Nick Saban will be madder an wet hen over a missed tackle by a fourth string defensive lineman or a defensive back that will start his coverage run on the wrong foot or a third string tight end that ran his route two yards short.
So let’s see if Ole Miss’ new style offense can hang some points on this Bama bunch and how many tirades the head Tide will throw.
Larry’s loser – Ole Miss
Arkansas at Texas A&M – Arkansas is the surprise flop of the SEC this year. Old Bacardi and I knew that Kentucky and Ole Miss would suck louder than an old Hoover vacuum cleaner, but we wouldn’t have suspected that the Hogs would not only be named for swine, but play like them too.
Meanwhile, the Aggies from out Texas way have proven to be a little tougher than most of us thought and have proven to be a good fit in the SEC and look like a team that not only belongs, but have been there and done that before.
That’s why we think this week something will happen that we wouldn’t have thought would occur in preseason, the Hogs will falter before the Aggies and the fortunes of one will continue to rise while the other continues their fall from grace and the rankings.
Larry’s Loser – Arkansas
Auburn – Good news for Tiger fans, they won’t have to suffer another defeat this week as they have a bye week. They’ve lost so badly this year and even their one win stank to high heaven that their fans are actually glad they at least lost a close game to LSU last week. Boy, talk about declining expectations. I guess we can start calling them Auburvilt for that good “morale victory.
Towson at LSU – After their sloppy play and close win to a tribe of terrible tabbies from Auburn, the Tigers from LSU really need a week off the recover and that’s just what they’ll get when Tigers from Towson come a calling from Towson, Maryland.
This game wouldn’t be close if LSU started their third string against this bunch and though they may be Tigers just like the ones from Louisiana, this won’t be no cat fight.
Les Miles won’t even have to eat the grass to help him out with this one and the Bayou Bengals will send these Yankee felines fleeing with a severe butt kicking and a big payday for their trouble.
Larry’s loser – Towson
Mississippi State – Will have a day off and the Bulldog boys can bask in the beauty of a bountiful start this season. In fact, they should be 7-0 before Alabama pulls the rug out from under their undefeated season. Mullen’s mutts have come of age this season and have become bully Bulldogs.
And that’s it for this week folks. With all the SEC teams playing one another there just aren’t as many picks to peruse in this party this week. Now this is the week that old Bacardi the Wonder Dog will bet his flea collar that we wind up in pigskin perfection with these picks, but even if we do, that’ll only get us up to 76% correct and a few more of those to get us back up to B.
So till next week when we tally them all up and pull out some more prognostications, we hope that your team won’t wind up on the list of losers and that you’ll be all smiles reading this and every list of Larry’s losers.