After picking so perfectly the week before, last week Auburn let us and a bunch of their own fans down by falling to Florida so we once again went into the realm of a one miss wonder. This week we have seven contests to consider and there’s lots of SEC on SEC action to worry over. If we know anything after all these years of writing this article, it’s that any SEC team on any given day can knock off another one, so this isn’t making our choices any easier.
But then we’ve been doing it better than anyone else for longer than anyone else, so picking the tough ones is just something we just have to endure. So let’s get going and start listing the likely losers and hope that our insight can pull us through these perilous picks.
South Carolina at Georgia – The Carolina Cluckers fly South for the fall to take on Mullen’s Mutts between the hedges in Athens. Now the Chicken Coop Coach knows he don’t have the pecking power to pulverize these Puppies in a straight up fight, so he may go to well and try pull out trick plays from the past.
But Kirby’s Canines aren’t about to be fooled by these feathered fowl footballers and they’ll just try pluck up that plan of theirs while they’re firing up the old barbeque in anticipation of a little post game party where the unfortunate fowls will be their main guest as well as their main course.
No this is the kind of game where the outcome is certain, but the details are not and for the Bulldogs, they just want to get through this game with as little pecking as possible and come out healthy for the more questionable contests down the road. Larry’s loser – South Carolina
These dogs took a few pecks on the noggin, but came out ahead…
Mississippi State at Tennessee – I know it’s not nice to kick a dog when he’s down, but old Smokey better expect a few more swift ones before this season is over and if they’re going to Starkvegas to bet on an upset, they better keep their chips in their pockets and cash ’em in to pay for the medical bills from the beating these bulldogs are looking to put on them.
Now I’m not saying that the Vols don’t have a chance, they just don’t have a big one. But if Moorehead’s mongrels take this too lightly, then the upset bug could come a calling. It’s not that the Vols are downright awful, it’s just that they are having a hard time finding a team that worse.
So with all that said, the sure but is to go with Larry’s loser being Tennessee
Alabama at Texas A&M – At the first of the year, we thought this could be a good contest, but when Saban packs up his Pachyderms and parades them into College Station, we may not have the hot contest that we thought we’d have earlier in the year.
Fisher’s farm boys just haven’t looked up to snuff against the big boys this season so far and he’s hoping to change all that this weekend and pull out all the stops like running his quarterback, actually trying to slow teams down from scoring and actually scoring more points than their opponent.
But they might want to wait and try and put all their eggs in another basket on another day, because this pack of Pachyderms came to play and beside a long day for the Aggies, it’ll also be Larry’s loser being Texas A&M.
UNLV at Vanderbilt – Mason’s men from Song City have had a rough year so far and while many of the fans and even some of the Commodores are already looking to next season, this is gonna be a day that they hang their troubles out to dry and enjoy a ridiculous band of Running Rebels getting wrung out to dry from the yardarm of the Swabbies sailing ship.
Now I’m not saying this whole year is shot, they’ve got East Tennessee State on the schedule so they might make three wins this season, but this year is certainly not the one that this Captain Crunch Bunch wanted to see unfold.
But hey, every dog has his day and today it’s the theirs and I’m happy to report that Larry’s loser will be UNLV.
Ole Miss at Missouri – The Rebels empty out Oxford and move the masses up to the Show Me State to take on the Midwest Meeyowers from Missouri and they hope that this trip can trip up the Tabbie’s hopes of an easy home win in front of the faithful.
Now nothing would be better for the Rebels than to boost their banner up this weekend in enemy territory but these Cats aren’t about to have no such thing happen in front their fans, so once this kickoff gets going, the Rebs better have kept their powder dry, ‘cuz the Kitty Cats will be clawing from opening to closing whistles in this warfare.
I’m worried because you never know which Cat will show up on Saturday, the ones that look like world beaters or the ones that look like leftovers. But we think since it’s a home game, they’ll be at their best and that should make Larry’s loser – Ole Miss
The Midwestern Meeyowers won’t let the Rebels raise a victory flag this weekend.
Arkansas at Kentucky – Things haven’t exactly gone perfectly for the Piggies this season and they’re staring at the cellar of the SEC West pretty hard. So what better way to turn the tables than taking on one of the worst teams in the East and that’s what they’ll do when they jump in the jet and hop over to the Hot Springs State.
Kentucky isn’t a bad football team, they’re just not the same as they were last year when everybody was dazzled by the Kentucky Cat Show. But they think they a few blue ribbons left and that this week they can pin on one after ruining the Razorback’s hopes on an SEC win.
Last week though, these little Piggies played over their heads and almost got a win over a decent gang of Aggies and it wouldn’t be too much of an upset if they pulled these Pussycats down a notch and got the upset bug to bite the big one here. But we think they’ll fall just short and make Larry’s loser – Arkansas
Florida at LSU – Fresh off their fantastic win over the War Eagles, the Gators find there’s no rest for the weary as now they bus into Bayou Bengal territory to take on yet another undefeated SEC big shot in old Deaf Valley.
Now this is the game of the day and I hope you take the phone off the hook, silence the cell phone and turn the welcome mat upside down because this will be the one to watch today. The Gators ruined my perfect pack of picks last week by pummeling the Pussycats from the Plains of Auburn and I’m scared to write them off once again because I’m still not sold that Joe Burrow has suddenly turned perfect this season after being Joe Bungle it up for most of his career.
Florida’s defense might make this a confusing day for this tribe of Tigers, but I still think talent wins out in the end and the home field sure won’t hurt either and that’ll make Larry’s loser – Florida
So that’s it for this week folks, but we aren’t done worrying until the last whistle blows because the upset bug’s done bit us in the butt too many times times season and we missed seeing them coming. But we’re still riding a pretty hot wave and we hope to keep it up as the season goes on.
Speaking of the season, can you believe that the regular season is almost half over already next week? We wait so long and it seems to just be over all too soon. So set the TV recorders, make a list of sensational snacks for the game, make sure your cable bill is all paid up and get ready for some fine football and let’s all enjoy it while we got it.
We’ll see you back here next week, same time, same great Touchdown Alabama Magazine and we’ll do our best to provide you another list of likely losers to laugh over.
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LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS AND NOW PRIMARILY WRITES HERE FOR TOUCHDOWN ALABAMA. HE WRITES IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME TIME COMMENTS AT HTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
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