Larry’s Losers in the SEC – Week 11 – 2018
By: Larry Burton
Oh misery thy name is Auburn! Once again the Auburn team cost us big. They were losing as we predicted for 58 of the 60 minutes in the game, but the Aggies really let us down letting them come back and win. And Florida not only cost us too, but made us look silly by being the loser themselves by such a wide margin that has wondering how the heck we missed that one so bad.
So not only did the upset bug bite us, he bit us, chewed on us, ate a pound of flesh and left us looking bad with those two misses. So this week we’re hoping to get things right again and get those averages back up. One thing’s for sure, it won’t be Auburn costing us a miss this week, but the rest you can never be sure of. That’s what makes life in the SEC so great.
Anything can and often times do happen, but enough of the misery of the past, let’s get on to the happiness of the future and here is the look at the list of likely losers. See if you agree.
South Carolina at Florida – When the resilient Roosters from Carolina Country come a callin’ on the long Lizards down in Gainesville, it’s going to be a contest for who’s the best in the middle of the SEC East.
Last week the Gators let us down and failed to live up to their hype, but this week they figure that in front of a home crowd, they can muster enough excitement to keep those Cluckers confused enough squeak out a win.
But we now know in our hearts that these yo you Gators are more down than up and against a good team we don’t expect that to change when these prized Pullets proceed to pummel these Mud Puppies with their peckers pounding like a wood peckers. Larry’s loser – Florida
Ole Miss at Texas A&M – Last week the Aggies blew a sure win and crapped their pants in the last two minutes of the Auburn game and cost us an upset pick, but with this game being at home, they figure to stay focused enough to win all 60 minutes of the game this week and not just the first 58.
But Ole Miss has been piling up points like a basketball team and even though they they’re still losing, they figure they can simply outscore these low scoring Aggies and sneak out with another important SEC win in this one.
But the Aggies have something unknown to Ole Miss and it’s called a defense and in the end, that’ll be the difference. So that’ll make Larry’s loser – Ole Miss
Vanderbilt at Missouri – Those sadsack Song City Sailors sail over to the Missouri Meowers stronghold and hope to shock the SEC with a strong showing and some accurate cannon fire and leave with not only a big SEC win, but a new Tiger skin rug for the Commodore’s quarters.
But these Cats have been sharpening the claws on other teams and they feel more than ready to sink these Sailors and take no prisoners from the ranks of these pigskin loving water jockeys.
Now we all know upsets can happen, but it won’t be this game. This one could get ugly in a hurry and we can only pray that there’s enough life jackets to go around once the ship starts sinking for the losers of this one and that would be Vanderbilt.
These Tigers are even going to chase down the folks who made it to the lifeboats!
Mississippi State at Alabama – When these Mississippi Mutts muddle over to Title Town for a contest with the Crimson Tiders, they figure that they can keep the score low enough by pounding that Pachyderm offense with that dastardly Dog defense long enough to keep them in the game till the end.
But Alabama hasn’t found anybody yet that can keep them out of the endzone and they don’t expect these flat faced footballers to do any better at that than anybody else they’ve lined up against.
So in the end, the Pachyderms pound the Puppies into pulp and the ones that are left will be running back to hide under the porch in Starkville till the Tusked Ones from Tuscaloosa end the chanse. Larry’s loser – Mississippi State
Kentucky at Tennessee – The Kentucky Cat Show goes on the road this week to roust the Hillbillies from their riverfront home and send them scurrying for the woods or the top of old Rocky Top.
Now Tennessee just barely beat the Charlotte Boy’s Choir last week, so there’s little reason to think they could beat an actual decent SEC team after a performance like that.
So Kentucky cements their spot in a spectacular post season soiree with a stomping in this one and for the vanquished Vols, there’s no bowl for you. Larry’s loser – Tennessee
Auburn at Georgia – Last season Auburn shocked the SEC with a big win over Georgia and this year they try to do that once again when they travel over to the Doggie’s domicile in Athens.
But this ain’t last year and this 2018 version of the Tigers just don’t seem up to the task of bullying these Bulldogs in their own backyard.
So when the final whistle is blown in this one, all that orange fur that’s been flying will settle on what’s left of those Tigers strewn around the grass between the hedges and that makes Larry’s loser – Auburn
LSU at Arkansas – This week those Tigers that couldn’t tally a single point on the Pachyderms pull into the Pigpen parking lot in Arkansas with a mindset to regain their pride by pounding these pitiful Piggies.
Now I’ve said all season that somehow, somewhere, these little Piggies are going to sing Wee Wee Wee all the way home and upset somebody, but it won’t be this game and it won’t be this week.
With something to prove, these bayou Bengals go to town on these tusked bacon ballers and send them to the slaughter for a post game feast. Larry’s loser – Arkansas
After a long rest from last week’s beat down, the Tigers are ready to punish the Pigs and regain some swagger.
Well that’s it for this week folks. I’ve got to admit that with the hurricane hitting us hard and the passing of my pigskin pickin’ pooch, this has been a rough season indeed. We still haven’t paraded by a perfect pack of picks and this is the first year in all 13 years of this article that we haven’t done it by now, so we’re really hoping that this is the week to end that woe.
Without Bacardi the Wonder Dog’s help, I guess you can see who the brains of this operation truly was. Our new pug Rumsely the Restless is beginning to show an interest in all things football, so maybe by the next season or two he can start giving me a little insight as Lord knows I need it.
So till next week, may the best team win and the worst one be on this list of losers. Y’all be good because they football sure is.
LARRY HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS AND NOW PRIMARILY WRITES HERE FOR TOUCHDOWN ALABAMA. HE WRITES IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND GAME TIME COMMENTS AT HTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER